


Punpals

by TheHungriest



Category: Undertale
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, F/M, Female Frisk, Flowey Is A Dick, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, How Do I Tag, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lemon, M/M, Mute Frisk, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Precious, Reader Is Adopted, Reader Is Not Frisk, Romance, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, Undertale Monsters on the Surface, Undertale Spoilers, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, give me a chnce you precious, human reader, just give it a shot, look at all this positive feedback, sans has daddy issues, small child - Freeform, so is Chara, this will be a long fanfiction, you - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-18 12:13:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8161748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHungriest/pseuds/TheHungriest
Summary: Six months ago, the barrier had fallen and monsters emerged to join humans on the surface. As usual, humans are still selfish jerks.However; along with monsters came a burst of magic that may effect the surface and it's inhabitants in unexpected ways!You, dear reader, realize that having a pure soul came with it's plethora of unwanted attention,and an anonymous number can't resist texting you some gosh awful puns.Like, really bad puns.Horrible.this is a slowburn fanfic but your trash ectodong dreams will come true eventuallypls just read it anyways dont let my horrible blurb skills scare u away i love u allcanon female reader, but don't let that stop you!there will be sexual content warnings in lemon chapters for anyone who doesn't want to read them or something!





	1. The Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cinnamon bunny papyrus kidnaps u from home to save his brother from the depths of his depressing room
> 
> [ask me crap on tumblr and stay updated on new chapters](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/)

How five crows managed to lift a twenty-pound baby boy into the air was beyond you, but that was certainly the least of your worries. Apparently, a white Pomeranian named Fluffy flew out of the a fifth-floor window in Ebott Inc, which was a brand-new building with the painter’s scaffolding still around it. Fluffy screamed. Fluffy landed on all fours.

But Fluffy was fine.

"When you have to kill the same terrorist twice in one week, then there’s either something wrong with your skills or something wrong with your world. And there is _nothing_ wrong with my skills," says some guy on the news.

This? All just an average day in Ebott. The news had been awfully strange the past couple of weeks; things that you can't even begin to explain, but had stopped questioning a long time ago. A bunch of corporate politics, too. It's been six months since the barrier had fallen, and when it did, you weren't too surprised! C'mon, how long could a magical barrier withstand? You could have sworn you were the only person fine with the fact that the city of Mt. Ebott was now sharing residence with a bunch of strange creatures. But, hey, that was okay! They didn't threaten humanity or anything - you'd watched it all unfold on the news. Their king had emerged, pledged peace, spoke with officials, and slowly began to migrate his people as Ebott made room for the new residents. Many people riotted, decided threatening the monsters and destroying their homes with vandalism and other damages would scare them back in their holes, but the sheer fact that they refused to return told you one thing;

The underground wasn't a good memory for them.

"Scientists are beginning to offer a cause for these strange phenomenons; as the barrier had fallen, it is _possible_ tha-" You turn off the TV, cutting off the pretty news lady, brain muddled by the bizarre and inconsistent stories. A mournful sigh left your lips.

After you look over, you see a lump of fur resting against the base of the couch, heaving with each interspersed breath, causing you to say, "Smalls, what do you think about it? Got any theories of your own?" It was just you and this little monster in the house - you had an adoptive family that lived a few states over, and you hadn't a clue where your biological parents were. No big! You had a wonderful life now.

The lesser dog sputtered a perplexing groan and rolled over on the floor, and you give him a few rubs on the belly. His neck extends, which had taken some time for you to get accustomed to at first, unsurprisingly. Imagine tending to an injured dog, and the darn thing grows a dozen feet? Scarring material. It was honestly terrifying, and you couldn't scrub that image out of your head for days to come.

Of course you supported monsters - you _adopted_ one. You found lesser dog - Smalls, as you started calling him - awhile back when monsters first surfaced, injured from an anti-monster protest, nursed him to care. Well, now, he's insisted that he's in you're debt and serves as a personal guard dog who could stand on two legs, dress himself in clothes and communicate through gestures unlike any other dog you've met. You were sure other monsters could understand him, you know, verbally and stuff, but you sure couldn't. Downside to being human and all. No magical multilingual abilities. You didn't think of him as much of a pet, though! He happened to be a bit too sentient. No, he was a family member. A family member who ate out of doggy bowls and insisted on walking on all fours half the time even though he's perfectly capable of strutting around just like you.

You supposed living life like an actual dog was more appealing than as an anthropomorphic intelligent being.

You agree. If you could sit around and lick you ass all day, you better bet you will.

You pick up your phone resting against your coffee table as an afterthought, pull up one of your contacts, and begin typing a message with a grudging sigh.

-You: The news here lately is ducking bizarre.

You're too tired to notice your typo, a fatal mistake, and set it back down on the table. Well, you were just about to doze off - it was late, peaking eleven o'clock, and after a long day of babysitting, you are surely worn out. You had the astounding luck that continued to amaze you - got your hands on one of the most spoiled kids you'd seen in a long time, and naturally, you had gotten stressed throughout the day as you pushed past tantrums and fits. Just a few minutes, you told yourself; a few minutes and you'd pass right out. The cushions felt so nice...

Bzzt. The screen of your phone went off, and that silly schoolgirl smile crawled on your face.

\- comedian: it has me _quacking_ up  
\- You: That was the _wurst_. Surely you can do better than that! -

There was a few seconds in between replies, but you can practically feel their grin from the other side.

\- comedian: you have ruined my favorite food, i cant continue on like this  
\- comedian: it was nice _meating_ you

You don't know how this person had gotten your number to begin with, but they did - and the last couple of months have been nothing but countless jokes and occasional details about your days'. You didn't know a lick of anything about this person. You didn't know their name, location, very little about your personal life - but two can play at that game. You tried your best to keep a similar secrecy in your life. Anytime you'd think of something clever, the 'Comedian', so you began calling them, was surely the first one to hear! It was a tradition to exchange clever(or horrible) puns at random times.

But you were undeniably curious.

(their first message to you was actually "i hope this isnt a _phoney_ number like all the rest", and when you asked who is this they said "some person who typed every possible combination of numbers until they found someone who replied." Of course you started talking to them!)

 _Knock knock knock._ There was a soft pitter patter against your door, and you decide to ignore it at first; "NO, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!"

God forbid you get some sleep - or, y'know, continue your pun war. It would have to wait.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. _So_ enthusiastic, in fact, that even the sound effects had to be typed in all capital letters!

"HUMAN, ARE YOU SLEEPING?!" Skeletor 2.0 wails. Well, if you were, now you weren't. You knew what was coming, and you couldn't avoid it. Smalls, the lesser dog, barked at the racket, gathering himself to his feet and skipped towards the door. "SMALLS, IS THAT YOU!!?" Pause. "OPEN THE DOOR FOR THE HUMAN!" About to protest, you shift on the couch, but the door swung open anyways. Thanks, doggo' pal.

Oh, no.

Papyrus came practically barreling in, jumping right over Smalls(which you couldnt see from your position at the time), and started looming over from behind the couch. "HUMAN!! YOU CANNOT SLEEP AT THIS HOUR, **_THE GREAT PAPYRUS_** HAS SOMETHING TO ASK OF YOU!!"

"I'm going to _literally_ sue you for breaking and entering," You mumble into the cushions.

"TECHNICALLY I AM JUST ENTERING!!"

"I didn't even invite you in."

"SMALLS DID!"

"You _told_ him to open the door. He listens to anyone I know," Smalls was a flawless guard dog, wasn't he? You're trying your damndest to contain your laughter, at least until bony hands grabbed your waist and flattened you across the tall skeletons' shoulder with such astounding ease - you were a bag of potatoes at this point. "Papyrus!" You wail, but didn't fight his grip when your energy was fleeting. It didnt take much time before you notice the small teenager looking up at your face as you dangled from Papyrus' shoulders, and she was in a fit of silent laughter. It all starts to make sense.

"Was this your idea, Frisk?" She nods, and you place your hand against your chest and gasped. "Scandalous." You say, blood rushing to your head from being flipped upside down like this. Oh dear.

You were Frisks' babysitter when Toriel was preoccupied, which was quite alot lately with all of the official meetings for the board she had to attend with this monster/human havoc. Frisk was about fourteen, you think? She was just a sweet, mute child, and still surprisingly small for her age. Toriel was a little over protective after what happened in the underground, but it was unlike Frisk to randomly show up and practically kidnap you from the warmth of your couch with the help of Skeletor - you didn't even know Papyrus that well! He'd only been introduced to you a couple weeks ago, when he had to pick up Frisk for Toriel and insisted on stopping by a few days later so you could try his 'famous spaghetti'. Hoo boy. What did you just get yourself in to? You'd never heard a dog manage a laugh before, but right now, Smalls was hysterical at your helpless expression. Traitor.

"HUMAN, YOU ARE COMING WITH ME!!" He stated. "FRISK HAS CONVINCED ME YOU ARE EXCEPTIONAL AT MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BETTER. IS THIS TRUE?!"

"Uh-"

"I TAKE YOUR HESITATION AS A YES! COME WITH ME, HUMANS, I WILL TAKE YOU TO MY GREAT HOME FAR BETTER THAN HERE SO YOU CAN WORK YOUR NOT-AS-GREAT MAGIC."

"I don't have any magic period, buddy."

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!"

 

[dash sequences like this usually indicate a time skip!]  
______________________________________________________________________  
Needless to say, any argument you tried to work with was immediately debunked by the great Papyrus. Luckily, you at least managed to get him to hold you differently so your head didnt implode - now you were getting a much more comfortable piggy-back, since he refused to completely set you down yet. He had a reason for everything, huh? You are just beginning to notice - or maybe you are just soft on him? You are kind to strangers as it is, but Papyrus had the kind of integrity you can't say no to.  
He never said anything about it directly to you, just asked if you were good at 'cheering people up', but... you could feel that he had pretty good reasons for dragging you all the way here to his 'lair', which is actually just a quaint home in the middle of Ebott City. For a monster residency, it was in remarkable condition, most houses are damaged and poorly kept due to the carelessness and aggression humans had for them - but you could see layers of paint and efforts of covering vandalism on the walls if you look close enough. Papyrus must have been determined to keep his home clean and free of grim reminders that many humans still didn't want them here.

You looked down at Frisk, who's expression had also fallen as she held one of his bones loosely in her grip while absently petting Smalls, who had joined you all on the walk for whatever reason. You felt that this was alot more serious than it had been let on so far. Papyrus has been standing in front of the door of his home for the past five minutes now, but you didn't want to interrupt his thought - so you patiently wait for him to muster up whatever he needs. You gave a reassuring squeeze of his shoulder, which was almost like pressing a switch that stirred him back to life.

"THIS IS MY GREAT HOME, HUMAN!! MY BROTHER, HE IS... HE HAS NOT BEEN AT HIS HAPPIEST LATELY, BUT I CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHY!!" The concern in his voice showed through remarkably well, regardless of his enthusiasm and pitch.

A brother?

"I didn't even know you _had_ a brother, Papyrus!" You sympathized, patting his shoulder in a friendly gesture. "Has he said anything to you? Have you done anything to help him yet?"

There is a short silence. "HIS JOKES HAVE GOTTEN EVEN WORSE, BUT HE SAYS HE'S FINE!! BUT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, KNOW BETTER. EVEN IF HE IS TRYING TO SPARE MY FEELINGS, I CARE FOR MY BROTHER. I'VE MADE HIM ALL THE SPAGHETTI IN THE WORLD, BUT I DON'T THINK HE'S EATING MUCH OF IT. I'VE READ HIM STORIES THROUGH HIS BEDROOM DOOR, SINCE HE DOES IT TO ME WHEN I TRY TO SLEEP... BUT NOTHING HAS CHANGED!!"

Awe, it was sickeningly sweet. Your heart spun in your chest.

"I'm sorry, Papyrus." You pause. "But, alright! Alright! Okay, I'll take a look - I'm convinced. Can you put me down, now?"

"OOH, YES! PLEASE DO NOT FLEE, HUMAN, I AM COUNTING ON YOU."

"Of course, Papyrus - I wouldn't dream of it," With that bit of reassurance, he slowly crouched so you could hop back to your feet, which honestly felt like jelly after not using them the whole way here. Smalls leaned against your thigh, and you absently scratched his head. Papyrus stepped into the house, Frisk still attached to his extremities, while you and the lesser dog follow shortly behind him.

Just like from the outside, the house was quaint. You walk into the living room, where there is a flatscreen TV centered on the wall to the left(you wondered how they got their hands on it), a couch and a recliner in the middle, and a kitchen to the right, next to the living room. Had you kept walking straight ahead, there was a dining area, and a set of stairs near the dinner table that led to a few rooms you couldn't quite see from down here. Frisk had detached herself from Papyrus, jumping to the couch, and Smalls joined them. Some indistinct show began playing on the TV once she dug the remote out of the cushions, the background noise slurred and unnoticed by you.

You noticed a few socks here and there, with consecutive notes stuck onto them. You are inclined to read, but feel there are more pressing matters for now. The socks will not be going anywhere, you feel.

Papyrus was quiet, now. You look over to him, but he only gestures upstairs as he walks into the kitchen and began shuffling through the pantry.

This suddenly got a little eerie. Everyone had gotten so quiet, like there was an dormant dragon slumbering nearby.

You make your way to the staircase, peering around the house to get a sense of your surroundings. This was the first time you'd been here! Although, you felt uneasy - you didn't know this person, or what to expect. Maybe you should wait a little bit? See if they come out? You were inclined to do so until you look over to see Frisk encouraging you with their hands, gesturing for you to go. A sigh left your lips, and you nod back to her. You carefully traipse up the stairs, looking at the doors that aligned the hall you were now able to see. One door was cracked open, the light still on, and you could just barely see action figures neatly organized on the desk - Papyrus' room, you figured. The other was closed, the light was off, the third was a bathroom, which also had an open door, and a fourth room at the end of the hall that was unoccupied.

So the second door must have been, uh... the brothers? You walk towards it, knuckles hovering over the wood. You're supposed to comfort someone you don't even know? You should have asked Papyrus for some tips.. likes, interests, anything! You were going in blind! No, no. Calm down. You got this. You just have to pull off what the kids enjoy, maybe it will work? You had no idea how old this person was, but, hey, everyone is a child at heart.

You knock twice on the door, knock knock. There was a silence, then a shuffling in the room. After waiting around for another few seconds, you figured they weren't down for it-

"whos there?" A low, slightly gravelly tone murrs from the other side of the door. You start to helplessly grin. He sounded like an adult, and you can't believe yourself - about to pull a knock knock joke to someone who was certainly not a child.

"Mustard."

You couldn't see, but you could practically feel them grinning behind that door. "mustard _who_?" They inquire. You're ecstatic. They were really playing along?

"I barely _mustard_ up the courage to come up here, but I can always come back to _marrow_ if now's not a good time..." At least, you figured they were a skeleton. Papyrus' relative, and all.

After a drawn out silence, you hear snickering behind the door. You're grinning idiotically. 


	2. The Punpal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you use your rad comforting skills to expose the skeleton hiding in the closet  
> [ask me crap on tumblr and stay updated on new chapters](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/)

It'd been hours, it felt like. Hours of cringey, cheesy puns and jokes slurred left and right, back and forth, past this closed bedroom door - and plenty of laughter! Papyrus or Frisk would occasionally peek their heads around the corners to check in, but you insisted on waving them off. You felt like you were getting somewhere with this. You didn't want the brother to slink away if someone else had interfered - after all, you still didn't know what had him so down, like Papyrus had explained.  
Your lack of energy from earlier that night was gone - the urge to snooze wasn't there once you got into the flow of things. You felt refueled! Perhaps it was the obligation you suddenly held for the person on the other side? You'd be lying if you said that you weren't concerned for the well-being of the stranger. You were trusted by people to help the mystery man out, and of course, you didn't want to disappoint anybody. Especially them, the one behind the door. You can practically hear their voice lull with a laced undertone of anxiety, but it was slowly fading as the jokes carried on.

  
You _think_ so, anyways. You _hope_ so.

  
"that wasn't all, i promise. i've got a skele _TON_ more." Their voice returned after some thought. You couldn't tell if they were getting bored, running out of jokes, or were starting to get tired. Hell, maybe all three!

  
"Oh, I knew you were going there with that." You snickered.

  
"is that so?"

  
"Yeah! I felt it in my _bones_ ," Though they couldn't see, you wink anyways, and caught yourself at the last second.

  
"how _paw_ ful," They say after hearing Smalls yip something downstairs.

  
They were waiting for you to reply, to shoot back another ridiculous pun, but your mind wandered elsewhere. Should you ask? You felt confident that you'd gotten them to warm up enough to you so far that maybe they'll crack, express themselves - but you were worried that it'd cause them to recoil. You sigh absently and rest your head against the door, prudently staring up at the ceiling.

  
You're gonna do it.

  
"...Hey," You quietly began, and you heard an inquisitive hum from the other side of the door. "sup?" They say.

  
"-Your brother is uh... he's worried, you know?" The tone in your voice was sickeningly sweet and dribbled with concern, and you knew the question had struck them as surprised when silence ensued. "You can talk to me if you want," pause for effect. "I'm feeling kind of _bonely_ over here."

  
There was a bit more snickering, so you knew they were listening, and that you were still being atleast a little funny. Unless they were pity laughs. Please, don't be pity laughs. You're taking pride in these puns.

  
"I know you don't _know_ me - honestly, I was convinced you weren't gonna talk at all. I don't even know your name yet!" A laugh left your lips. "But I'm here because people who care about you were concerned, and for whatever reason, they wanted me to help. So here I am, here to save the skeleton hiding in the closet. Throw me a _bone_ here, will you? Help a girl out," You paused. "What do they say -- _seek comfort in strangers_ , or something?"

  
There was more silence, rather than the signature chuckling you'd grown accustomed to. Shit, did you say something wrong? You start to twiddle your thumbs and chew on your lip in the suspense. You had heard shuffling on the other side, and you were convinced they'd moved back to wherever they were before you'd arrived. Convinced that they were done talking for now.

  
Damnit.

  
Just as you were about to say something, though,

  
The doorknob clicked, causing you to lift your weight instantly. Slowly, it'd been pulled open a few inches; enough for a skeletal hand to poke its way out. They extended bony fingers forth. A handshake? It didn't take much observation to notice the quirky bones. What was visible of them, anyways - anything from the elbow up was still swallowed by the dark room. They weren't individually jointed, its more like they were fused together! The hand looked fully structured; a whole actual, you know, hand, rather than just individual skinny bones that realistic human skeletons had. His bones were certainly thicker than average, too, so maybe that was why? There were crevices where joints would be, serving as pivot-points.  
It was peculiar, but this was a monster; you supposed they didn't have to play by the rules. Magic and all, you know? You're relieved to finally learn that, yes, they were a skeleton. All your bone jokes weren't for nothing. Your eyes drifted up the arm until you're met with a single floating light - a pinprick - staring right at you through the crack of the door. Nothing else. Even though they were bright and daunting, they were oddly pleasant and comforting to look at. They looked... eager. Expecting. Oddly relaxed.

  
It was now or never. You'd turned your body enough so the angle wasn't weird, and took their hand - and like a venus fly trap, it clamped shut and refused to release as a horrific sounding fart roared from their palm. Wet, loud, and lasting for a dozen or so miserable seconds. It caused you to tense, of course, and you momentarily cursed yourself out for not anticipating such an amateur move. You were sure Papyrus and Frisk had heard it, too, since there was consecutive childish giggles and an agitated "UGH!!!" from downstairs. You giggled, and so did the assailant.

 

"sans. sans the skeleton." He introduced himself, giving you a proper shake once the whoopee cushion was finished tootin'. His hands were chilly and solid, but you don't mind. Now that there wasn't a slab of wood in the way, his voice rang clearer; deep and monotonous, void of too much emotion, yet oddly gravelly and suave.

  
"Hey!" You sound maybe a bit too happy about the reveal, ecstatic that you'd encouraged him this much so far. It was an accomplishment, really! "I'm __________, Frisks' babysitter." A warm smile grew on your lips, and the skeleton carefully watched, until he decided to open the door the rest of the way.

  
Yeah, that was definitely a skeleton.

  
You could barely see into his room, but there was a sock and a piece of paper scattered here and there, but everything else was utterly dark - you could even hear the rustling of something in the corner, like a breeze. It was a pretty depressing room. The skeleton - Sans! - was dressed in a warm blue parka over a white shirt, hands tuckered away in his pockets now, with a pair of basketball shorts and pink slippers that were a few sizes too large for his feet. It was hard to tell, but if you had to guess, he was probably around five foot tall and filled out his clothes oddly well for a skeleton. One of the largest, most toothy grins was spread cheek to cheek, but you could see creases under his eye sockets, and the pinpricks of his eyes stood out against the contrast of the dark. He centered himself at the doorway, sitting criss cross right in front of you, and gave you a big wink.

  
"how much does my brother know?" was the first thing that left his lips to your surprise, and all you could do was give a light shrug of your shoulders. "I'm not sure," you muster. "He only told me he noticed that your jokes were extra bad lately, which I can now stand by," A grin spread across your lips. "-and that you'd been spending alot of time up here."

  
Sans sighed, eyes drifting to meet the end of the hall before returning attention back to you. "yeah, i tried to keep it to myself. i didn't want to worry him or anything, you know? he deserves some good." Your heart twisted, and you couldn't hide the expression of sympathy on your face. You were touched enough as it was, that he decided to come clean that something was indeed bothering him, even if you didn't know what. The two brothers cared an awful lot about eachother. It was sweet.

  
"...You don't want to take a crack at telling someone else?" Of course, you motioned to yourself, and his eyes lit up in a flicker of hope that you couldn't miss. Just a flicker. After that, he shrunk back down, that grin still stretching from ear to ear, looking a bit nervous. He must have reminded himself something. "nah, i don't think it'd make any sense anyways."

  
"Try me."

  
Again, that flicker of hope - he was truly considering it. He needed it. To get it off his chest, and you silently egged him on. Surely whatever this was -- it was eating him up. He took a breath before he'd speak,  
"BROTHER, OH MY GOD! ITS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU! I'VE PREPARED SOME OF MY MOST SPECIAL SPAGHETTI USING A NEW AND IMPROVED RECIPE UNDYNE HAS BEEN SO KIND AS TO SHARE WITH ME!" Papyrus stomped on the moment, although horribly sweet and innocently, rushing over and offering plates of spaghetti to the both of you. Looking at it, you could tell it was... well, spaghetti. Spaghetti that looked pretty molten. "THANK YOU, HUMAN!! I KNEW I COULD TRUST FRISK WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU! HOW WILL I EVER EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE?! I HOPE MY SPAGHETTI MEETS YOUR EXPECTATIONS, I COOKED IT WITH PASSION!"

  
"you always do, bro. im sure itll be great." Sans took the plate and set it down in front of him. "hey, yeah, shes really fun. really knows how to rock some bad puns." He looked over for a second, providing a quick wink. Your cheeks flushed, and you weren't even a blusher! "OH MY GOD!!" Papyrus wailed. "NO, NOT ANOTHER!!! FRISK, WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOooone?!" His voice trailed off as he'd stormed back the stairs, suddenly distracted by a realization, and you could hear the child giggling away.  
You laugh. "He's not all for puns, huh?"

  
Sans shook his head, forking and pushing around the spaghetti. "nah, drives him nuts. really fun to annoy him with them though. he's more mature than i am sometimes," he snickers. "the spaghetti might be hazardous, by the way. new recipes are never a good sign. careful."

  
"Hey, that's mean!" You wail, swatting playfully. "He made it with PASSION, you heard it yourself." With a pout, you grabbed your fork and twirled it around, and stuck the bite in your mouth - but you repulsed, pulling the fork away and placing it right back onto the plate. Sans was far too amused by your reaction, and you knew what was coming already.

  
"i told you so." He beamed smugly.

  
"God damnit," You chortle, but your expression fell into concern when you'd reminded yourself of something else that was said as you watched him play around with his food. "You really do need to eat something soon. Papyrus said you hadn't been, but I don't think this is your best bet, though," You cringed sheepishly down at the spaghetti, and Sans didnt disagree.

  
"im a skeleton, pal." He raised his browbone. "i dont think food is essential,"

  
"Yeah, but, you're still a monster, you know? A living thing? I haven't heard of any monsters yet that don't need to eat at all, and your brother gorges himself. The two of you can't be that different." You debunked. He saw something in your eyes - you were looking straight through him for a second, and something started to click.

  
Sans seemed beat by your observation, offering a sheepish yet oddly impressed smile. He was considering something.

  
"how about, uh," White pinpricks shifted between you and the plates of spaghetti, and he seems to have realized that he couldn't talk his way out of this. Good. "lunch sometime?" Oh -- oh! You weren't exactly expecting that, your cheeks flushing again. "then you'll know i ate, and maybe i'll tell you about it." He bargained with a wink. You chuckled. Smooth, skeleton. Smooth.

  
"I'll go even if you decide _not_ to share anything, Sans." Honestly, you were glad just to have convinced him to go out at some point. Who cares if he shares his deep dark feelings and struggles or not? You were getting somewhere! "I'm glad to get you out of the house." The reassurance you gave definitely did brighten his mood, though - his expression softened and he nodded his skull. "thanks, pal."

  
You pull out your phone when you'd thought about handing him your number for future plans, but- you just couldn't fight the urge.

  
-You: I think I just met the real-life equivalent of you, Comedian. - You type on a whim and begin to search for your number, since you were so bad at remembering...

  
Sans' phone vibrates in his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that moment when u try to cheer someone up through a door and they turn out to be your pun pal you thought lived in like china or something  
> #relatable  
> YOU ALL GET TWO CHAPTERS AT ONCE  
> HOW DO U FEEL ABOUT URSELVES  
> i have a couple more too so i might post those in a sec  
> kiss my feet


	3. The Tigress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when u discuss the weird news and a scary lady accuses u of sleeping with her bae
> 
> [ask me crap on tumblr and stay updated on new chapters](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is basically a bunch of dialogue but u geT TO MEET A NEW CHARACTER  
> DUN DUN DUN

When you had roused yourself from perhaps one of the best slumbers you'd had since as long as you could remember, a recollection of the nights' conversation had slowly began to piece itself back together. Of course, forcing yourself to resist the beckon of sleep throughout the night meant there were pieces missing - pieces long forgotten - pieces your sleepy self didn't think were important enough to muddle your brain with. Naturally, you woke with a smile on your face at the friendly reminder of the pleasant night, shifting on the couch cushions you'd found yourself sleeping on. You feel... remarkable. Achieved. Like you'd done something worth while.

  
Once you collected your thoughts enough and grounded yourself in your new surroundings, you recognize the living room to be the brothers', the TV rolling the news with that famous robot, muted, with captions turned on. It was noon according to the timer in the corner. Your hands were tangled in a warm blanket, and your head half-sunken into a soft pillow, while you hear shuffling in the kitchen that you were too lazy to inspect. When the gears in your head began to turn to place when you'd moved, since you clearly remember passing out against Sans' door frame, you could recall being carried down the stairs - but that was it.

  
Normally you'd be shy and weirded out for crashing at a strangers' house, but last night had really calmed your nerves and set the laid-back atmosphere of the place.

  
But then you remember the coincidental buzzing of his phone when you'd sent your comedian' friend a little text.

  
You don't shift too much when you realized just how utterly comfortable you'd been, despite your urge to sit straight up and ask questions, but your eyes strayed to your left at the slightest movement. There he was, sitting in the recliner right next to the couch. He had been quietly watching the nonsense the reporters babbled on about on the TV, looking awfully concerned with it all. You wonder why? It all looked like nonsense to you! You didn't wander on it for long, because once you realized you'd actually managed to get him out of his room, you broke out into a smile.

  
"...Sorry for passing out on you," Was the first thing that you muster sheepishly past the strain in your throat as you stretched out stiffened muscles. "-Comedian." You add with a wry smile. Sans looks undeniably surprised at the sudden sound, unaware that you were already awake. He starts to beam at you with a slow nod. "nah, s'fine. it was bound to happen at some point. i could hear it in your voice ever since you first knocked, you know. you sounded bone-tired." Sans admits with a heavy wink. "i've been uh, up all night. processing. y'know," Almost instantly, you knew what he was getting at. You nod to him and he visibly relaxes. "im sorry that you were dragged all the way here in the middle of the night. not the greatest first impression. papyrus doesn't think alot of things all the way through," There was a brief pause. "but it meant a ton," Oh, no. You knew what was coming.

  
"... a metta-ton." Pinpricks flickered to the robot on the tv.

  
Okay, not exactly what you anticipated, but close enough! A chuckle left your lips, which gave him a visible sense of pride and achievement. "No big, it was fun!" You grin in reassurance. "But.. honestly, what are the odds?" Your tummy was still in knots at the thought - you didn't actually think you'd meet them, and rather than freaking out at the discovery, you felt oddly... calmed by it. Perhaps last night you'd got most of it out of your system? You were partially glad you didn't remember how you reacted at first. Sans voices a disbelieving laugh. "i have no idea. i wasnt expecting it, either. at all. when you mentioned how ducking bizarre the news was, though," He grins. "i started to get a little suspicious."

  
You start shifting to look at the television, and your brows subconciously furrowed. They were discussing how Fluffy the Pomeranian managed to survive the fall off of the fourth story of the building from yesterday. "What do you think it all means?" At first, he didn't seem to gather what you meant, until you gestured to the news. He audibly sighs.

  
"something about a magic fart cloud from when the barrier fell that's effecting stuff in the area. from what i understand, anyways." Sans chortled. "sounds silly, but i think they might be right."  
Well, that did sorta make sense. All that magic monsters had contained down there, you wouldn't doubt that maybe some of it got out when the barrier had suddenly broken. Up here, magic didn't really exist before now - so who knew how stuff would react when it meets something as unpredictable as free-reigning magic farts? Like radioactivity. "Do they know why? I mean, it's been about six months since it fell and all, I don't understand why it'd suddenly be happening now... I'd imagine it would have started happening alot sooner, like, right when the 'bubble' popped?"

  
"well, thats what they're trying to figure out. humans dont know what to expect with magic so they've been coming up with all these crazy theories and connections that dont make any sense, and they refuse to listen to monsters 'bout it." He sighs. "im not looking forward to what'll happen if they figure out some way to use it or something. uh, no offense." You can't help but laugh at his correction, nodding your head. "Oh, no! It's fine. My kind can be jerks, I know. I can't imagine what they'd do if they had magic."

  
He nods slowly - and you can tell his imagination is working.

  
"It'd be like a bunch of unpredictable people turning into several dozen Hulks if it gets into their system," You think out loud, but Sans didn't understand the reference. You'd have to have a nice sit down and watch that soon, you mentally note. Sometimes you forgot that monsters were still catching up on media.

  
The next thing that the news showed was - of course! - an anti-monster riot down town, flailing signs full of awful profanity and vulgar innuendos. Sans was grinning, like always, but you thought better of it. That was not a sincere grin.

  
"You know what,"

  
The skeleton looks at you apprehensively, tearing pinpricks away from the screen. "Enough depressing magic talk and monster haters. Turn it off, we're gonna go do something! You need to see the sun." You pointedly suggest with a beaming smile - or, well, state. You didn't plan on letting him wriggle out of the situation. The instant the words left your lips, a certain dog was millimeters in front of your face - neck stretched out and weaving from beyond the kitchen across a span of twenty or so feet and panting so interspersed you were convinced he'd just finished running the block a dozen times. His body was still over in front of the refridgerator, having been digging for a snack, and his face was... right there. Right in front of you. The sight was a bit strange to witness. After all, dog necks weren't supposed to do that.

  
Monster necks do, though. Sans snickered.

 

"i wonder how he got like that." There was a paifully long pause. "nevermind, im sure it's a long story."  
You helplessly laugh at the convenient pun, absently scratching Smalls' head - forgetting his tendency - when he extends another inch or two and bumps into your face. "Smalls!" You wail with a giggle. Of course, you recoil at the wet sensation of a cool nose, and gently nudge the dog monster out of your personal bubble. "Oh! Where's Papyrus?" The question left your lips without a second thought once you'd watched Smalls reel back to normal proportions, the giant skeleton nowhere in sight.

  
"he dropped the kiddo off at toriels, at uh, 4 in the morning." Hoo boy. Sans seemed to read that right off of your face, causing him to say, "heh, yeah. he probably stayed the night over there - or might be in trouble with her for letting the kid stay up so long." Your expression cracked into concern. "he'll be alright," He quickly mended. "where to, pal?"

 

[asterisk sequences usually indicate perspective change!!]  
****************************************************  
When his phone went off after watching her text a message, boy, did his nonexistant heart drop a dozen feet. He'd gotten awfully fond of the person-behind-the-screen, and now... here she was, right in front of his room on sheer coincidence. Your initial reaction had really warmed him - you were astonished and excited. Ecstatic. It took you about anothe rhour to wrap your head around it, and the whole time, you had a grin on your face like a child who was just shown a toy shop.

  
He was glad.

  
Sans truly didn't mind as you slowly dozed off during the simple conversations and unbearable puns throughout the night. He'd watched you as your eyes grew heavy, your thought process hindered and your balance swaying, all up until you toppled over with gentle breathing against his door frame. But, still, he saw as you fought to stay awake for his sake - and, damnit, you were so nice! He had carried you downstairs that night, carefully scooping you into thick, bony arms - but he'd decided to provide a magic cushion over his bones in addition to his parka sleeves to provide more comfort against the surely uncomfortable solidity of his bones.

  
The situaton had rung familiar bells from back in the underground, years ago, when he and Toriel had exchanged similar jokes through the ruin door, but it wasn't the same. This time, it was more genuine... more personal. Here you were, an utter stranger with little to no context, yet you felt obligated to pulling him out of the trench you were led to believe he was in by his concerned little brother.

  
And he appreciated that. He could appreciate someone who was tolerant of bad puns, someone who didn't seem to have a care in the world about these monster politics and drama. Someone who was in their own bubble, ignoring all the hell happening around them. You looked at him like he was a friend, and not some distant underground 'thing' that didn't belong here. Your opinion wasn't clouded by popular opinion, or bad monster politics and rumors that spread like wildfire through Ebott. He truly did appreciate it. But, that's not why he was acting peculiar. Stuff like that - stuff like vandalists and vulgarity and racism towards his kind didn't really hit home for him, not unless its directed to his family, because he knew better. He had to stay strong for Papyrus, after all, who was working extra hard to give monsters a great reputation. It was just... it was stuff that didn't make sense to him. Stuff he didn't feel too inclined to share with an innocent woman who had a perfectly sane life - you know, besides living with a monster dog. He didn't want to be the reason why that was all ruined, just because he was little muddled in the head and didn't have anyone else to turn to. He knew you wanted to help, but if he can help it, he'll avoid tainting you with that problem.

  
"I'm not sure," You had said to him, and Sans could feel your soul flicker at the words. It took a little concentration, but he could discern what it meant. You didn't know where to go because you were afraid of people targetting him, of people giving him looks - you didn't want to brave a human organization only for people to give him a cold shoulder and ruin the rest of his day. You wanted to go somewhere where he'd be comfortable, but 'you weren't sure' where that would be, as you had said. That's what your response had actually meant, even if you didn't verbally let it on. Souls speaker louder than words.

  
That soul, he thought - it was already opening up so quick to him. He could only read Frisk and Papyrus like this. His closest friends. The people who were most comfortable around him.

  
How could you trust someone that easily? How could you trust a monster all willy nilly, enough to where even your soul opened up to him? You... perplexed him. He couldn't help but feel that he was being unfair to you - like this was some sort of violation of code. It felt morally wrong. You probably didn't know about souls, you probably didn't realize you were subconciously opening it right up to him - a stranger! - he felt like he was taking advantage of it. Monster souls typically only open up after years of bonding, even Frisk only recently opened up to him like this after all the time he's spent around her; but yours... it was so innocent, so naive - so pure.

  
People like you never lasted long in a world like his. Perfect souls like yours were doomed to be tarnished sooner or later. Even Frisk had her 'smudges'.

  
"Are you okay?" Your voice lulled again, and you had sat up from the couch and was giving him one of the most concerned expressions he'd seen. He notices he forgot to reply, that you'd been watching him stare off into the void this whole time. "yeah, im okay. just thinkin'. you been to grillbys before, pal?"

  
You shake your head, and his grin blossoms even more. "lets go get some grub."

  
...Your soul intrigued him.

 

 

[aaand then dash + asterisk sequences mean theres both a time skip and another perspective change!]  
________________________________________________  
************************************************

  
Before you had all left the house, Sans had sent a text message to Papyrus, inevitably concerned regardless of what he said earlier that afternoon - and you found it to be the sweetest thing. These two were gonna give you a sweet tooth if they kept it up. As it turns out, Toriel was teaching him some new recipes; causing all three of you to grimace, and that he'd be home later today. Sans let him know they'd be at Grillbys if they weren't home by then if he felt like dropping by, and that was that! Smooth sailing ahead.

  
At least, that's what you had hoped, but you had a rather embarassing and awfully obnoxious encounter about ten minutes into your walk to Grillbys(sans wanted to take a 'short cut' but you talked him out of it, telling him he needed some fresh air). No, there were no riots or protesters. It was something much, much worse.

  
Tara.

  
"___________!" Her voice had clamored, causing you to startle where you stood. The three of you - you, Sans, and Smalls - had all turned around simultaneously to see an awfully hot-headed lass storm your direction, smoke rolling out of her ears and her eyes daggering. Every instinct in your body told you to run, and Sans was looking at you awfully perplexed, but you held your ground. You didn't say anything. Instead, your horrendous expression spoke for you enough.  
"Did you have fun with Dennis last night, HMM?! He came home late again! I know it has something to do with you after last time, you little whore!" Now, usually, vulgarity like that would have gotten you angry or upset - but, uh, not when it comes from Tara. You weren't afraid of her, of course. She was just a little lady with cropped copper hair and sharp features, and everything that came out of her mouth was more like comical-worthy rage instead of true loathing. A chihuahua, all bark no bite, tiny as hell. You were afraid of what was gonna come out of her mouth, instead. She's thoroughly convinced that you and her husband have an affair, for some reason.

  
Deep down, she's honestly sweet - you've seen it. She's only had bad experience with relationships and is constantly paranoid anytime Dennis is a minute late, and naturally, she blames the only other girl he's actually close to.

  
You.

  
"T-Tara," You stammer, hands held up in the universal 'no harm' gesture. Sans was gawking and horribly amused. "I haven't seen Dennis in the last couple of days!" You reason. Yeah, well, that didn't slow her down. Here she comes, bulldozing down the sidewalk, and you all already had several onlookers feeding on the inevitable drama.

  
"Bullshit!" The tigress roars. Her pace was quickening. She said something else, too, but it was far too slurred and quick for you to even comprehend.

  
Well.

  
A bony arm draped itself across your shoulder, and you feel the slight weight of Sans leaning into you. One of the most smug expressions you'd seen yet had broke across his face. Naturally, your cheeks flush, and your mouth worked to form words - but nothing came.

  
"she's been with me all night. i dunno who dennis is, but she hasnt seem 'em, pal. i woulda known."

  
According to his sly plan, she stopped dead in her tracks, furious eyes sizzling and flickering between you and the Skeletor 3.0 draping his arm across your shoulder. You only offered a sheepish smile - after all, it wasn't untrue, but you had the feeling this looked a little intimate to any onlookers. His choice of words were certainly a bit... suggestive, to anyone without context. But, God, you couldn't think about anything else than a conclusion to this pickle you'd found yourself in.

  
"Oh," Tara voices pointedly. " _Ohhh_." Her expression contorts into one of mild fascination and, of course, malice. She was planning something - you could tell.

  
"mhm." Sans murrs coyly.

  
Tara flattens the creases in the skirt she'd worn, patting away the wrinkles and straightening her posture. "I'm sorry, I must be yelling at his other girlfriend. I get them mixed up all the time. Here, excuse me. You have a nice day, you two!" Her voice drawled sickeningly sweet, mischievous, before she spun on her feet and the receding sound of heels clacking against cement faded as she disappeared behind a corner.

  
Sans dropped his arm to lightly rest against your upper back in a gesture of comfort, but the expression on his face was far more skeptical than that.  
"well, theres a story you can tell me at grillbys, huh?" A smirk tainted his grin, and you sigh in defeat. "sorry 'bout that, though - you looked pretty pale, sorta just did the first thing that came to mind."

  
"I-It's alright," You stammered as your nerves cool, you blink, and suddenly your stomach is in knots - like the butterflies you'd gotten during the speech in school. Next thing you know, you're standing in - in Grillbys, you notice the hot pink neon sign. Sans removes his hand, pinpricks lingering on your utterly perplexed reaction before humming contentedly to himself. Smalls, rather than being confused, instantly ushers himself to one of the tables in the saloon - joining another pack of varying dog monsters. Great, you thought. Your dog just abandoned you for some more dogs.

  
"hOI!!11!" one of them shrieked, and you were pretty sure that one wasn't a dog... maybe?

  
You weren't sure, but here you were - in the middle of Grillbys, with a skeleton who looks a little too proud with himself.


	4. The Orgasmic Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sans explains magic to u like a toddler and grillby gets the love he needs and deserves
> 
> [ask me crap on tumblr and stay updated on new chapters](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/)

You had no idea what just happened, so naturally, "What the hell was that?!" rolled off your tongue on impulse. You felt the aftershock of... something, rushing through your bloodstream - something that felt indulging. Sans had stepped away and gestured for you to sit down at an empty table next to the bar where a Fireman was carefully tending to a glass - no, not like, a firefighter! An actual fire man. You'd shuffled your way over to the table, knees threatening to buckle at the aftershock.  
"magic," Sans finally replied once you'd settled down in front of him. "i probably should have warned you about that, huh? sorry - just really want to hear the story of, uh, you know..." A low chuckle rumbled in his gut.  
If he had guts.

  
"im sure it was a really bone-afide experience," Theres a clever glint in his eyes that makes you giggle.

  
"..Hoh-kay," You breath. "Makes sense. Before I explain, I need a drink- do they have coffee? Please tell me they have coffee," Coffee sounded delicious right now. "I don't care what kind."

  
"yeah, think so. grillbz?" sans, for once, raised his voice a bit - and the Fireman - Grillbz! - turned to attention. He crackled and popped in greeting, you assume, but you can't actually make out anything else. "yeah, i know. sorry pal. can we can a coffee and the usual?" More crackling. "surprise 'er, bud." Grillbz nodded, and fled to the 'FIRE EXIT', presumably to prepare the order.

  
It takes you a moment to register the implied humor in that. How ironic.

  
"so," he folds his hands in front of him, pinpricks eyeing you intently. "storytime?"

  
"Okay, okay!" You'd hoped that he would have forgotten, but of course not! Caving in and clearing your throat, you scooch around in your chair to get comfy for the ride. You hold up a hand. "So, we have Dennis. College roomie, good friend. Brother figure. Right?" You pull up a finger, representing 'Dennis'. Sans nods. "Tara, paranoid and over-possessive wife of Dennis." You hold up another finger, this time on your other hand. "Me, innocent _________, who worked at an office with Dennis after college." Finally, you just half-heartedly gestured to yourself.  
After that, you just begin to explain the story, which doesn't take long. Dennis stays late to help you with some paperwork the office had gotten after the barrier had fallen, forgot to tell Tara - Tara hunts you down the next day only to shout at you in front of a few dozen people about how dirty and sly you thought you were. You know, just like she had done a few minutes ago! Only much, much worse.  
That was the simplified version, anyways. The display you'd put on for Sans was much more entertaining, rest assured!  
"how _humerus_ ," is the only thing he can muster between laughs and snickers at your amusing demonstration you'd preformed with your hands like a silly puppet show, before a bottle of ketchup, a hotdog, and a mug of coffee appeared in front of you both - consecutively after a shutter of flames - like it'd been teleported! You look back to the bar, where Grillbz looks rather proud of himself, and curtly nods his head at you. You could have sworn the flames at his cheeks were dusted pink when you'd given him a wee thumbs-up.

  
"i think its brave of her to espresso her feelings like that," HE SCORES, looking down at your coffee - perfectly creamed with a slight design floating on top. It's still steaming. "You're the wurst," You retort cleverly in sly reminder of the pun you'd managed yesterday, when Sans is about to take a bite of his hotdog(which had an unappetizing amount of ketchup on it). He sets it back down on the plate and slowly pushes it towards you.

  
"well, i was _gonna_ eat, but that made me lose my appetite..." He beams teasingly.

  
"Hey! You better eat it," You urge with a helpless grin, and push it back as he picks it back up. " _Bone_ -apetit," You thought out loud. "heh, good one." Although, you can't help but wonder, as you watch Sans take a bite out of his 'dog -

  
Where does it go?

  
You scooped up the warm mug, and blew on the surface before taking a cautious sip; and hesitated when you felt the odd crackle of magic go down your throat. It was... pleasant, honestly. The coffee tasted great, too! You're still smiling and skeptically watched Sans, making no efforts at concealing your curiosity of his digestive track. Naturally, he noticed, and when he was about to ask what you were staring at, something clicked he began to laugh to himself.

  
"magic," He reminds again, like he could read right through you. It must have been the norm for people to question it.

  
"Ooof course," You drawl. "Do you always have to use magic when you eat? That seems a little tiring, doesn't it?" The thought left your lips out loud, and he shrugs.

  
"if the food doesn't already have magic in it, yeah. otherwise it'll just right through me. takes some work, so i dont eat that much. theres a reason paps calls me lazybones. but grillbz puts a little magic in everything in consideration for monsters like me, ' not the only one whos missing a digestive system. s'why i like it here so much. but, it's generally easier to drink stuff. 'cus it's not all solid. doesn't take as much effort to break down." When he says that, he lifts the ketchup and empties half of the bottle down in one gulp. You grimace.

  
"what?" He chuckles at your repulsed reaction. "we've all got our refined tastes."

  
You suppose that's true. You shrug it off, taking another sip of the coffee - this time a bit larger than the last. Gee, you had the feeling that this feeling would get addicting; until something came to terms with your mind. "Oh!" You sputter. "Stupid question. There's magic in this, right? Does that mean I'm all magical now?" It sounded even more stupid when it left your lips. Sans chortles.

  
"nah - well, not really." He leans forward and places his skull in one of his hands, like he was expecting the question to come up eventually. "think of it like, uh, sodium in water? there's so little of it in a bottle, but if you drink enough, the sodium might make you sick. but that would take _alot_ of water. so for the magic to actually be, uh, usable or something, you'd have to drink _alot_ of that coffee." He pauses, absently twirling the ketchup bottle in his bony phalanges. "but you'd definitely get too full before then. human bodies don't have the appropriate physical compounds to sustain magic for long, unlike monsters, so it'll usually shed and dissipate by the time you can even drink enough of that coffee to actually form self-sustaining magic in ya' anyways."

  
You hadn't realized it until now, but he seemed rather... nerdy. The thought entertained you, and when you'd caught yourself absently grinning, bright pinpricks were looking skeptically towards you - and he opened his mouth to speak before you chimed in, "That makes sense," You reply before he has the opportunity to interrogate you. "But, say, if I did drink enough of it at once, I _could_ have self-sustaining magic?" You raise a brow, looking down at your coffee.

  
"uh, theoretically speaking, yeah. magic would kinda make its own little pouch if there's enough of it there at once. it sorta becomes its own separate thing." There was concern on his face. "your not actually planning on that, are ya'?"

  
"Oh, Gods no!" You immediately retort, and he visibly relaxed. "I was just thinking that, you know, there's probably some power-hungry folk out there that might actually be ballsy enough to try it if they found that out." Sans thinks on it for a moment, before nodding. "yeah, probs." He's looking over at Grillbz now.

  
"Maybe you should bring it up with him?" You suggest, noting his distracted attention. "Maybe he could moderate the magic he puts in foods. Like, if a human orders, then they get human food. No magic involved. Just as a precaution? Not only for monsters' safety, but even the humans. I'm not sure if anybody knows what magic might do to someone." He's looking back at you now, expression softening at your concern.

  
"i'll talk to him 'bout it later." He takes another happy bite out of his 'dog. "its rude to leave company behind," He says with a wink, and you find yourself absently smiling.

  
You were helping him.

  
___________________________________________________________  
The rest of that evening was very pleasant! You'd burned through another cup or two of magical coffee(you're pretty sure you mentioned once or twice that you'd marry Grillbz if he made this for you every morning), while Sans shared a few more clever puns that were inevitably going to slip from his mouth at one point or another. A few monsters had came by to say hello and exchanged some friendly chat with the skeleton throughout the hours that sped by, concerned about his recent absence, and you'd even indulged yourselves in a friendly game of poker with a dog in his lonesome who you were both thoroughly convinced was cheating.

  
Finally, it was getting late.

  
You were high off of the caffeine from the coffee; the buzz tingling in your head, and you found yourself stumbling over your words when your brain tried moving faster their your mouth(which Sans was awfully entertained by). Normally you wouldn't have been so intolerant and sensitive to it, but perhaps monster coffee had one heck of a monstrous kick to it? Alcohol, on the other hand - hoo boy, you can't hold it well. You always avoided it to the best of your ability. Who knew what stuff you'd say with a drink or two.

  
"you ready to split?" Sans piqued when you were mid-sip in another coffee, your eyes shooting up to meet bright pinpricks.

  
"But the coffee is so good..." You contend. Sans can't help but give you a pitiful laugh and raise his browbone. "you've had way too many cups for it to be this late, you're gonna be up for hours."

  
"Good. That means I'll be awake long enough to drink more coffee." A huff escaped your lips and Sans shakes his head, but the grin displayed on his face was enough to express his amusement in your newfound addiction. A few cups ago, you'd began asking for magic-free coffee to see if the taste changed, and it didn't. Turns out, magic didn't really alter flavor - only convenience. Grillbz just really knew what he was going.

  
Right now, Sans and Grillbz were having a conversation across the table, but you couldn't be bothered to discern the topic. Especially since it sounded so one-sided to you. Sans had explained that Grillbz spoke in an ancient fire language, which wasn't surprising at all, and that you'd probably catch on sooner or later. Just need to study a bit. And you didn't like to study.

  
"here. once you finish that cup, grillbz is gonna show us something. he wants to thank ya' for getting me out of the house n' stuff," A bony hand raised to rub his skull, and he gave a sheepish grin. "then we're gonna split, k? you need to get home before it gets too late."

  
That was a deal fit enough for you - even though you really didn't want to leave. But regardless, "Sure!" You amend, and finally gulped down the last swallow of coffee that was left in the mug. Once Sans had realized that you were finished, he slipped from his chair, and gestured for you to come sit with him at the bar counter.

  
The next thing you knew, Grillbz' flames had literally roared with hazardous crackles, catching the attention of each inclined individual that bespattered the bar, and one by one, they'd all gathered towards the front. His light dimmed to a remarkably dark tone once the crowd was gathered - you could hardly see a thing! Even the rest of the bar fell into an idle darkness, albeit the faint moonlight that was leaking through the windows at the entrance. You could hear the clanking as Grillbz assorted bottles and glasses while he was outlined by a faint scarlet glow. It was like watching a stage show prepare the props.

  
Until suddenly, his flames returned; and he stood with his arms extended outwards at his sides, a bottle of wine in each hand, crackling with purple magic; and several shot glasses balanced delicately along the length of his arms. He was perfectly still, like a blazing statue for what seemed to be the lonest time. He hadn't even begun to do anything and you were already gawking like a child, no idea what to expect, and you hadn't noticed Sans eyeing you from the corner of his sockets in assertive pride.

  
You were gonna love this. Everybody did.

  
It was like a switch was flipped in Grillbz, his hands were alight in a far more furious glow than the rest of his body; and like some mesmerizing dance, he'd begun to preform with such beautiful tranquility, his arms maneuvering and hands leaving behind trails of fire with each sweep and turn and the wine had begun to seep from the top of the bottle, the crackling magic carrying it to the rim of each glass and filling them to the brim. You swear you're seeing stars, too, but it was only the flying embers, and each time his arm swayed past, the faint roaring and sizzling of flames brushed right past you, and it sounded so pleasant against your ears. He brought such a pleasant warmth the room, and everyone would sound an 'ooh' and 'aah' left and right anytime he'd flip the wine bottles gracefully in his hands or pull of a trick that was unexpected and it was just. So. Goddamn. Beautiful.

  
He barely even moved his footing; over all, he stayed in the same spot, all up until each glass was full. At that point, he'd straightened himself back up just like he was when he'd started, and the shot glasses were alight with small flames at the bottom that levitated them to the countertop, and dispersed into nothing.

  
When he bows with wine bottles still in his hands, your eyes are sparkling like a child had just been showed her favorite toy, and most people broke out into a clapping herd.

  
You joined too, of course. Sans took one of the shot glasses and offered it to you, that wide grin permanently on his cheeks.

  
"its his signature trick. he only does it on special nights, y'know," He gives you a wink, and you only bite your lip to contain the grin you didn't think could get any wider, and take the wine from him.

  
"Oh, man-" You breath, downing the shot after a moment of bewilderment. "Grillbz! That was beautiful!" You commend, and the elemental flushed pink and curtly nodded his head in wordless thanks, but you were sure he said something else when his flames crackled at slightly inclined volume. When you turned to look at Sans, you're just way too giddy - the caffeine and performance were just too much to contain in your little body. He only beams enthusiastically at you. Honestly, you're at a loss of words, but he seems to understand and gestures to Grillbz.

  
"pal, you gotta map? i gotta take her home. what? yeah, i'll be back soon, don't worry 'bout it. oh, and put it on my tab, will ya-" There was a fit of sparks shot in his direction, and Grillbz actually grumbled audibly as he leaned under the counter, and then holding up a map. You chuckle.

  
"here, point to where ya live at. i'll take ya. c'mere, l.d!" He calls, and the doggo runs after yipping what you assume to be a goodbye to his friends(or family?). He sets a bony hand on your back and one against Smalls' head, and you feel the crackle of magic surge under your skin.

  
It felt _so_  strange. But _so_ amazing.

  
"Thank you, Grillbz." You offer him a pleasant smile. "I'll be back for some more of that coffee!" Of course, you naturally assume he was gonna pull off another 'short-cut', which you were now convinced was 'magical teleportation', so you went ahead and bid your farewell before leaning forward and scrutinizing the map. As soon as you'd pointed to a house, you felt that similar knot in your stomach - and blip! - you're there at your home, just as you'd left it.

You still had the stupidest smile on your face.

  
"Are you, uh - atleast feeling better?" You sheepishly grin, looking over to the skeleton. He'd removed his hand and placed it right back into his pockets, and teetered on his heels. He's looking at you with a similar expression.  
"...yeah," He musters after a bit of thought, and winks. "thank you, for uh-"

  
"No, no- please don't thank me, Sans. I'm glad to help! Really!"  
"...thanks." He mumbles anyways.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
>  
> 
> i was inspired by this beautiful art piece of grillby when looking for some inspiration!! its so amazing isnt it aah  
> i hope u guys like  
> next chapter will sort of have some insight on uh  
> the first conversation reader and Sans ever had, how the whole punpal thing happened! a look into the paaast


	5. The Angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a flashback into the past to the first text message the skeleton boi ever sent  
> and some angst while ur go scrubba dub dub in the tub
> 
>  
> 
> [ask me crap on tumblr and stay updated on new chapters](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/)

The barrier has been down for what seems like two months now.

  
Lesser Dog, who you had been calling ' _Ditch Doggy_ ' until he made the copious efforts of expressing what his actual name was, was pouting in the corner of the kitchen, and so it's up to you to make breakfast this morning.

  
He sure was something else. He had insisted on helping with grilled cheese, which you suspect is because he now felt obligations towards you, but his fur was shedding all over the house and you sure as hell wasn't about to bite into a Fur McGriddle this morning. Or ever. Not only that, but the guy was still injured! You didn't plan on letting him do any work that may strain his tender limbs or risk his well-being. Apparently, making grilled cheese was on the 'too risky' list for you. Overkill? But, ah, with the way he was eyeing you from across the room... you felt like you'd cave at some point.

  
He's been living with you for maybe, what, a week? You'd scooped him off of the side of the street; in a ditch, no less - in the destructive path of enraged vandalists and protesters, hellbent on driving beasts back underground, and God - you were glad you found him first! He was already far more undeniably courteous and kind than any human you'd ever met - even if he had the temper and patience of a small fetus child. That was okay. With a face like his, you didn't expect something nearly as intelligent. After all, most dogs were pretty dumb(although cute as hell). He already surpassed your original expectations.

  
So he was okay in your books.

  
You just... didn't quite know what to do with him once he is rehabilitated. Can you even manage to keep a monster? Can you afford an additional mouth to feed?

  
Mid-flip of a sandwich, your phone buzzes on the counter and his ears shoot up, but they immediately flatten when he's met with the disappointment that it had nothing to do with him. You stick your tongue out at the dog, and he rolls his eyes with a disgruntled sigh. How sentient. You pick up your phone, expecting it to be Dennis or your parents -

  
1 New Message  
Unknown ID

  
It wasn't often you got random texts - or, uh, texts in general. Couldn't hurt to look, right? You brush your hands off against your pants and what you see next causes you to nearly choke on your own saliva.

  
-555-555-5555: i hope this isnt a _phoney_ number like all the rest -

  
Did they just...?  
You only stared at the screen, eyes raised and a smile perking at the corners of your lips. Naturally, you type the first thought to come to mind;

  
-You: I can't believe you just... do we know each other, though? -

  
Almost like they were waiting, the text back is almost immediate.

  
-555-555-5555: oh my god -  
-555-555-5555: i didnt think this was actually gonna work -  
-555-555-5555: my brother is a genius -  
-555-555-5555: wait let me answer your question before you block me or something -  
-555-555-5555: no, we dont -  
-555-555-5555: actually that sounds really anticlimatic so let me explain -  
-555-555-5555: i typed every single combination of numbers until i found one that was legit. nvm i thought that was gonna make it sound better but it doesnt -  
-555-555-5555: please dont ask why -  
-555-555-5555: cus thats a good question, pal -  
-555-555-5555: i guess i've got too much thyme on my hands [1 File Attachment] -

  
It's a picture of actual thyme. Honestly, you didn't quite believe the 'type ever number until i got yours' scheme, but sure! You'd play along. You hadn't realized, but the grilled cheese is burning, so you usher to flip it - Lesser Dog is staring at the grin you can't wipe off your face. You can practically feel him saying 'see, I should have cooked them instead', but you only give him an sardonic look and wave him off. Naturally, you choose to give him the burnt sandwich, and being a dog, he doesn't have a care in the world, scurrying across the kitchen and gorging it down anyways.  
Good. Atleast he had the appetite of an actual dog. That makes things a little more bearable.

  
Maybe you should actually talk to the comedian? You entertain the thought, and glance over to the Lesser Dog. Your phone vibrates again.

  
-555-555-5555: why are cows so famous -  
-You: Because they are out-standing in their field? ; ) -  
-555-555-5555: yep you're the one -  
-You: Flattering! Wanna be helpful for a second? -  
-555-555-5555: sure, hit me pal -  
-You: If you owned a monster dog, what would you name it? -  
-555-555-5555: biggie smalls. i heard it on the internet somewhere -

  
You can't help but laugh out loud at that - did they not know it was a rapper?

  
-You: Haha! Something shorter, maybe? -

  
There is a brief pause.

  
-555-555-5555: just smalls? -

  
... Cute.

  
_____________________________________________  
Your mind reverts back to the present.

  
Setting your phone down on the side of the tub once you'd finished scrolling through the chat history with 'comedian', you sink back into the steaming water with a contended sigh with a soft smile placed on your lips. You henceforth decided to call the monster doggo 'Smalls', instead. Lesser Dog just seemed too self-deprecating to call him that. You thought higher of him! Of course, he accepted the new name with open paws, and ever since then, it seemed like some sort of contract was bestowed unto you by him. It was like... giving Dobby in Harry Potter a sock, you guess. Just, instead of freeing him, he was eternally thankful and obligated to your safety and well-being.

  
Or something like that.

  
The comedian had even been the one to convince you to keep him. Er, Sans, convinced you to keep him. You were still wrapping your head around the fact that your punpal lived a few streets down from you. It was almost like it was all some sick joke planned out from the beginning!

  
Well,  
you say 'sick joke', but it was pretty relieving in wholesome honesty. You were glad to have finally been able to 'meet' probably the most eventful and entertaining thing that'd been in your life the past few months. Not that you had a miserable life or anything, of course! But the comic relief was definitely needed throughout your days of work and occasional stress buildup.

  
Speaking of Sans, it's been about a week since the two of you met up. He was still texting just as often, though. The past week had just been full of hectic babysitting so you hadn't much time to spare, and it made you feel gosh darn awful. You were supposed to be helping the skeleton guy, right? What kind of friend were you if you couldn't squeeze in sometime when he needs it the most?

  
And since when did you feel so obligated to someone you honestly know so little about? Yikes.

  
Just as you're about to lift yourself out of the comfort of your bath, which you'd been dying for, but there's the sound of movement a couple rooms over - the living room, you think? At first, you brushed it off as Smalls chasing his tail or something, but it shortly sounds again. And again. Slightly louder, this time. It sounded like things were falling or wobbling, so naturally, you gather yourself to your feet and wrap yourself in a towel, tracking water from your feet all the way across your bathroom. Smalls must have gotten into your Cinnabunnies again... hoo boy. Embrace yourself for a hyper dog, you tell yourself.

  
"Smalls!" You called out. "I swear to god, if you're gorging yourself with late afternoon snacks again, I'll-"

  
The dog came fleeting around the corner, on two legs for once in his life, waving sporadically and his tail wagging away. No cinnabunny residue was seen anywhere on his person, and you could still hear the movement, which was becoming a bit more erratic at this point. Oh, god. Did you have an intruder? Did someone break in? You were sure Smalls would have done something about it, but he seemed totally casual with it all. Here you were, dressed in only a towel, with someone or something in your house. Smalls seems to sense your sudden panic and distress when his wagging slows, and he gestures for you to follow him around the corner. Naturally, you do, since he was pretty much the only form of safety you have right now. You weren't gonna take any chances. You had a sinking feeling in your chest.

  
You turn a corner into the living room, where Smalls speeds up and strenuously pointed towards it. No, not it - but _him_. It started to make sense as to why Smalls didn't alert you - because you knew Sans. He didn't think of him as a threat.

  
Sans has a treacherous grip on a bookshelf you have in the living room, the wood crackling and splintering beneath the force, his other hand resting on his knee with visible beads of sweat rolling down his skull, breathing so interspersed and panicked... you could practically _see_ the path he took as he stumbled through your home, a book fallen on the ground here or a shifted object there, and slightly dirtied tracks from his slippers. His parka had slipped off of one of his shoulders and drooped along the bend of his elbow. The signature grin was still plastered along his cheekbones, but evidently, he looked absolutely _petrified_ , and the lights in his eyes were long gone - it was like staring into the void. A darkness blacker than black. The skeleton looked like he'd run a dozen times through Ebott without a break. You could see him visibly quake, occasionally bursting out into the shivers, his bones literally rattling... you were at a loss for words when time seems to stand still. He never even looked up from the floor, and you were convinced that the bookshelf was about to break under his sheer grip and faltering weight.

  
You were still half naked, you suddenly realize.

  
"Smalls, you better give him the best company he's _ever_ had!" You hiss through clenched teeth when you flee the living space. You'd ended up slipping on the tiles of your kitchen during the panic, cursing a few times under sharp breath when you'd gathered yourself back up and continued to dart to your room; butt aching now, and you're sure you twisted or ankle, but that didn't matter. You weren't gonna be picky this time - a slightly over sized t-shirt and some sweatpants would do for now. Underwear, too, obviously - you weren't about to go commando in front of the skeleton. Once you're dressed, you fling yourself back towards the living room, where Smalls was desperately trying to distract the clearly scarred skeleton by shaking him and nudging him to reality with interspersed whimpering. Either Sans didn't have the energy to muster a response, or he _didn't even notice him_.

  
You appreciate the attempt though, Smalls. He did what you asked.

  
The expression on your face twisted with pained concern wasn't something you could easily hide when you'd carefully tip-toed towards the man, a hand outstretched and nearly trembling at the sheer atmosphere that cloaked him. It was so heavy and depressing.

  
"God, Sans-" You breath. "-what happened?" You're sure to keep your voice to a lulling whisper in dire hopes of pulling your comrade out of this hole he'd dug for himself - but part of your heart twisted and sank. What caused this? Was he being followed, chased? Hunted? How bad of a day did someone need to have to be put into this _kind_ of condition?

  
Unsurprisingly, he was unresponsive to your words - but when your fingertips met the surface of his trembling forearm, it sparked him to life almost instantaneously.

  
But not in the way you'd expected. Not in the way you _hoped._

  
The movements were so painfully quick that you couldn't even process the thought of flinching before it was a little too late - a hand shot to grab your forearm with such a discomforting force that you're sure there was going to be a bruise left behind, like there was nothing in this world that could pry that monstrous grip off of you. Naturally, you grimaced at the surge of pain that only worsened as his bones remained latched. His skull snapped to attention. That darkness in his eyes was rekindled by magic, left eye sparking with an hypnotizing pigment of blue that flamed to life, which had temporarily distracted you from the pulsing ache in your arm. Smalls wasn't having that, especially when he heard the small cry of whimpering pain that squeaked past your lips.

  
The look in Sans eyes' wasn't the warm, friendly, albeit slightly anxious look you'd gotten accustomed to. It was instead a contentious animosity that sent chills down your spine. You could still feel his trembling through his grip, and magic surged through your veins - but it wasn't the pleasant tingle. It stung, burned -

  
You were, pardon your French, _fucking scared shitless_.

  
Smalls wasn't going to have that. Even if Sans was a comrade up until now, you better bet that he besieged him. His fur was risen, fangs exposed and a snarl ripped from his gut when he'd launched himself forth at such a surprising force for the cute little monster dog you assumed him to be. The sudden assailant was enough to snap Sans' attention away from you, releasing your arm and leaving inflammation behind, a clear hand print, one you're convinced will scar, and you can't even begin to process the situation.

  
All you can see is Smalls and Sans bolting throughout your living room in interspersed combat, but... you could tell neither of them were giving it their all. You hear a flicker of magic when Sans teleports a few inches to avoid an onslaught, or Smalls' erupt into vicious snarls if he snags a bone or makes any sort of contact, but the sight alone was enough for you to boil up in a strange combination of fear, anger, and agitation.

"G-guys, stop it-" You try to muster, but it doesn't seem all too effective right now. Neither of the acknowledge your efforts and keep going at eachother.

"Please-" Nope, nothing. You take a deep breath, and you find your teeth gritting.

  
"Calm your **_asses_** down, or I swear to god I **_will hang you from the ceiling by places you didnt even know you could be hung from_**." You'd spat through clenched jaws, surprising even yourself with the sheer force your voice carried - and your strange choice of words. You're pretty sure you've yelled that to a spoiled kid once or twice, too. Oh, well. It was just an impulse.

  
Heh. Well, looked like it worked, 'cause now they're both staring at your with awestruck expressions, frozen in their stances. It took you a moment to register the success before you heave one of the most grudging sighs you could muster and run your hands through damp hair. They shift.

  
"Don't you even _think_ about it," You sharply retort and close your eyes. "Can you guys sit down for a bit, please? On the couch?"

  
When they don't comply,

  
" _Sit. **Down.**_ "

  
The headlong tension in your voice alone was enough to coax even someone as hellbent as Sans' right now to sit down on the couch like some sick game of time-out. Smalls follows behind, but they both seem utterly surprised and refused to look in your direction. The skeleton aligned himself on the couch, slowly plopping down with his hands on his knees, while Smalls did the same - ears flattened and nearly shivering as you feel a surge of relief. You know the dog was only protecting you, and you weren't mad at either of them; of course! You just really needed them to sit down and reassess before they kill each other, or worse, burn down your house.

  
You had to even give _yourself_ a moment to think, gingerly touching your arm with a shaking fingertip only to recoil. It was like a fresh burn, awfully sensitive, and you could still feel magic crackle under the flesh. You subconsciously bite your lower lip, shutting your eyes in a moment of thought. What were you supposed to do with these two? We've got protective doggo and unpredictable Sans. You wish you had previous experience, but unfortunately, they're both one of a kind in the most specific ways. Theres quiet shuffling on the couch, but this time, you're not bothered to snap at them-  
"what happe-" You hear his voice and turn your attention; you're about to say something to keep him quiet until it clicks. Bright pinpricks were looking up at you, not that endless void or blue flame; and that complacent grin was wiped right off his features. He studies your face for a second, then glances around the room, watches Smalls, then looks right back to you - and finally notices your arm. You can practically hear his stomach drop. His throat works, but he can't even manage to say a damned thing.

"...Sans," You feel like you need to say something. You tried your best to sound reassuring but it doesn't really work.

  
"i- .... i didnt mean to," Deep vocals finally croak out, he's still sweating, and looks even more petrified then he did before. Petrified that he'd hurt you.  
Of course, you're still fuckin' scared as all hells bells, but this was Sans - not... not the other guy. "Sans." Your voice carries a bit ore firmness. You take a few slow steps forward, the sharp pain in your ankle causing you to have the slightest limp, your knees nearly buckling from your dispersing adrenaline, and he shakes his head.

  
"dont."

  
You keep walking forward.

  
" _stop it_."

  
He starts to stand up, Smalls momentarily growling until you send him an expression that clearly reads 'back off'. You keep approaching Sans despite his reluctancy. "dont touch me-" Sans demands once your within arms-length proximity, face contorting into something equivalent of pain - a cringe - looking away and furrowing his brows. He takes a step back, but Smalls has stood and stopped him there. You wonder why he doesn't just teleport, but you keep reaching out anyways; all up until you reach up and ---  
All up until you can reach up and wrap your hand around a portion of his parka to pull it back up around his shoulder. You're whispering quiet 'shhh's' to the skeleton. The gesture perplexes him, glancing pinpricks to study your face in utter scrutiny while you tended to his rumpled shirt and jacket, straightening them back accordingly. "what are you doing..?"

  
You don't reply.

  
"...___________?"

  
He needs a hug, you think to yourself.

Your eyes only look up for a second, and you let them linger, until your arms lift to pull him closer to you in a gentle embrace that gradually progressed into something more solid - more firm and certain. You're sure your shaking, but it doesn't matter. You quietly mouth a silent 'thank you' to the doggo who was currently watching the two of you in anxious relief. The skeleton didn't comply, at first - his hands only dangled at his sides, but you can practically feel his expression of astonishment even if you can't see his face at this angle. You just felt like he really, really needed a hug.  
So you gave him one, and you didn't let go. You didn't let go when he started to hesitantly hug back, and you sure as hell didn't let go when you hear him quiver and quietly sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT FEAR  
> the next chapter will atleast give u _some_ context on what happened to him for him to go a lil batshit  
>  i think  
> idk  
> its not written yet : D


	6. The Soul 101

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sans give u the soul talk
> 
>  
> 
> [ask me crap on tumblr and stay updated on new chapters](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/)

The living space was bestowed in an eerie silence - Smalls neglected to move from his standing position at the side of the couch while he kept a watchful eye on the skeleton, who you'd managed to calm down substantially and somehow convince to stay after he'd established to himself that it'd be best for him to leave for now. It's been hours since his meltdown and he hasn't even begun to explain a thing even when you asked him, so all you could do was sit and watch from the opposite side the couch. You must have forgiven him a dozen times now. After the hug the two of you shared - well, that was the only contact he allowed. Now he had himself in his own quarantine bubble and refused to touch or even look at anyone, and distanced himself as far as away on the couch as he could. The only time you'd moved was to retrieve him a bottle of ketchup from the fridge which still remained untouched.

  
Again, you wonder why he doesn't just teleport away anyways, if he really thought this wasn't a good idea - you're not sure if he's too exhausted, or respecting your request for him to to stay.

  
You barely know him. You barely know him, and yet, you feel so obligated to his well-being, and you're _so_ damned concerned. There's an ache in your chest. Sure, he's your punpal. You've been texting for months even if you weren't aware of it, but when you try to think about it, all you really know about him is his affinity for ketchup and hotdogs and uncanny puns. Some may call you _too_ kind, _too_ nice - but you don't regret a second of it. People deserve to be treated well, even if they come with some baggage.  
You're sure you've been staring a him for awhile now, throat occasionally working to speak but proving to be uncooperative, while Sans sat forward on the couch with his head in his hands with one of the most absent looks on his face you'd seen yet - besides the void, when the lights in his eyes were gone. The image still sent shivers down your spine. What _was_ that? _Who_ was that? When you absently sigh to yourself, Sans is suddenly stirred awake from his trance, and slowly shifts to look at you with an apprehensive gaze. His teeth part for him to speak but you instantly shake your head.

  
"Sans, I forgive you. You don't need to keep apologizing, hon. You didn't know what you were doing. I'm not mad, or upset-"  
"but you're _scared_." He pointedly states in a soft tone, and you shake your head. "I'm not."

  
You weren't as scared as you were before, anyways. Sure, you were shaken - you didn't know what to expect, but it wasn't that you were scared of Sans right this second. You were just scared of that happening to him again. Sans watches as you absently stare down at the bulging pink imprint on your arm, slightly inflated and speckled with barely visible glimmers of orange magic from his touch.  Why it was orange, you didn't know. With each pulse of your heart, those ribbons of orange would light like the embers to a fire; only to die back down again. You can still feel the tingle and the ache, and it was far too sensitive to even touch. That visible magic wasn't there before, but after the hours that have passed, they seem to be slowly growing more obvious and headstrong.

  
He's not convinced at your rebuttal when he leans back, running bony hands across the fabric of his basketball shorts. "okay. you're _soul_ is scared, then." He retorts. That causes you to look up with confusion. "Wouldn't that be the same thing? Me being scared, and my... _soul_ , being scared?"

  
You didn't know a whole lot about souls, just that they're the 'culmination of your being' or something, and how _little_ you know about them suddenly becomes more obvious when he shakes his head at your inquiry. "no." The answer wasn't very satisfactory to you. He notices, and sighs. "okay, soul talk 101 it is." There was a brief pause before he shifts to face you a bit straighter, but he doesn't get any closer. "so, each person has their own soul. each one is uniquely different, and they belong to us, but at the same time, we belong to _them_. it's like, uh, what do you guys say - i always hear people arguing over whether or not to go with their head or with their gut?"

  
You think you understand where he's going, and nod when he's silently looking for an answer.

  
"okay, right. so. your head, yeah, that's _yours_. _all_ yours. you all have your own way of thinking, and your souls - the 'gut' - has _its_ own way of thinking. if you're gut instinct is to be scared, then it's 'cause your soul is scared. the flight or fight response is kind of a good example here, i think." The skeleton finds himself pausing for a second, entertaining the thought - like he was trying to see if there were any better example. "not all souls think the same, one soul might instinctively fight, or another might instinctively flee." He waits for you to process. "so. your brain might be telling you to be scared, but your soul might be telling you it's alright, or the other way around - and _usually_ i can tell, but.."

  
His eyes go distant for a moment, looking right through you. "you have a nice soul, __________. its kind. don't take it the wrong way, but it is a _perfect_ soul. its not blemished or tainted, and i've never seen one so golden and bright before. when i say perfect, i mean there's not a hint of malice or doubt or aggression _anywhere_. it is _perfectly_ pure and clean. i could tell its' first instinct is to just, be everyones' friend. help anyone you can. when i first saw you, it had already opened right up." His voice trailed into a tone of guilt or concern, so you have to stop him real quick when you find yourself at an a realization. He even used past tense.

  
"...That's not good, is it?" It came off as more of a statement rather than an inquiry, and Sans is a bit hesitant to answer. "-and what happened? You _could_ tell what its instinct was, but now.. you can't?" Slowly, you piece it together yourself, your hand hovering over your chest absently; and Sans just thoughtfully stares.

  
"yeah." He finally musters. "it closed up on me. defense mechanism, i guess. i cant tell if its scared or its just protecting itself in case it happens again, " Sans breaths. "its already reverting back to normal, which is good - kinda. i'm not a threat to you, right now," He amends. "so its not a big deal. but if it were someone _else_ ," You can hear his teeth grit.

  
"look, souls don't usually open up like that on a whim, ________. it's dangerous. to strangers, they usually close up to avoid being in danger or manipulated, 'cause an open soul can be read by anyone who knows how to see them. stranger danger, right? i mean, i've been around the kiddo for years, _________. she only recently opened up like that to me. its supposed to take a long time, because they have to make sure that the person they open up to is safe. souls are usually pretty stubborn. yours is just down right _determined_. your soul is really damn ballsy," he tries to humor.

  
It started to make sense to you, but you don't say anything. The thought that he had probably been reading you this whole time does cross your mind, but you're not too bothered or inclined to nag at him for it right now. You just nod for him to continue.  
"there are people out there who don't like perfect souls, ___________. having your soul so untouched and also so naive and open means that someone could easily walk right up and ruin it. there are people who live for that kind of stuff. dirtying and damaging souls. its messed up, but people do it." That made your heart jump - were you a threat to yourself?

  
"Is there a way I could control it?" The question rolls off your tongue almost instantly. Sans seems pleased that you seem to be interested on stopping it, but - he doesn't seem very comforting.

  
"humans don't have magic, so you can't see your soul. you probably don't even know what its doing half the time. and if you don't know what its doing, then i don't think its possible to control it solidly. like i said, they've sorta got a mind of their own. even with magic it'd be tough, especially if you're passionate, but it gives you an extra edge to set it straight. look, your soul is who you are at heart, i guess. i mean, l.d. has damn ears on his," Sans points out almost humorously, glancing over to the spectating doggo. "cause he's a dog at heart. "  
"Smalls," you correct, and Sans' expressions softens. Right. He helped you name him. "smalls. sorry."

  
Although you'd just been told that your soul is pretty much digging a grave for itself, you weren't gonna let him change the subject completely. You shift a bit in your chair before you give him a more firm look, "I think I understand it all. But, Sans-" You pause. "-can you please tell me what happened earlier?" He visibly shrunk as though he'd expected you to move on, but sighs in defeat. "yeah. sure. its actually a little convenient now, i think i owe you anyways." He chortles half-heartedly. "i was sleeping."  
"What?" The thought rolls softly off your tongue impulsively. Is that why he has the creases under his eyes? Lack of sleep, exhaustion - maybe he was avoiding sleep because he knew this would happen. Yikes.

  
Poor thing.

  
"yeah. sometimes when i sleep, i get these hectic nightmares that i just sorta get trapped in and i sleepwalk. really... aggressively sleepwalk. i don't ever remember what happens, so a lot of the time i wake up in weird places. i might be injured, or someone else might be-" He looks over to the pulsing print on your forearm. "and i think i ended up coming all the way here 'cause of your soul, but i'm not sure." Sans gestures to you. "i mean, it'd make sense, i think. you've been trying to help me out, so my soul doesn't think of you as a threat, but instead as a comfort - and because yours is so pure and pretty easy to distinguish, my souls' first instinct is to probably go to one of the first thing it can find comfort in when i'm in distress. your soul is like a beacon. its just so obviously there and it sticks out so much in a crowd."

  
Wow, how comforting. So much for hide and go seek or something. Suddenly, Sans scrunches his face in a weak cringe. "whoops. i know that stuff sounds weird since we don't really know each other that good, souls will do what souls' wanna do." A crooked smile is placed on his lips, but it twitches away after a moment. "i guess that just means your helping, huh? i've got one of the most stubborn souls i know and the damn thing is already running to you for help," Sans weakly chuckles, and you can tell he's trying to lighten the mood.

  
Regardless, you smile. "Yeah, I guess so."

  
As much as you want to ask about the nightmares, or any questions you had about souls or anything else he'd covered - the feeling was mutual. You guys needed to get off the heavy subject, because the atmosphere was pretty depressing. You're about to offer if he'd like to sleep here for now, but you figured he'd probably try avoiding shuteye for the time being. So, instead, you propose the next best thing;  
"Do you want to stay here tonight?" You suggest. Get your mind out of the gutter, you _filthy filthy fanfic readers_. You're not suggesting a steamy sleepover with the skeleton just yet. When Sans looks like hes about to reject, you pique in again; "-I mean, if your theory is right about the whole 'you came here because your soul needed comfort', then maybe it won't freak out if I'm nearby? Uh, if you even fall asleep again, anyways..." The sheepish tone in your voice resurfaces. Smalls shuffles where he stood, almost like he was about to protest your offer.

  
But you give him a death stare and he immediately shrinks.

  
This time, Sans actually considers. Was your logic actually solid enough for him to reconcile? Holy shit, you literally just spat some nonsense, you thought -  
"i guess i can," A diffident tone rolls in his voice. "i kinda used up my magic on the way here anyways."  
Well, that answered your 'why not teleport' questions.

  
"Okay," You start with a sigh of relief. "Do you want to help me clean up, first? It's not a whole lot-"

  
"yeah, i'll help. i still owe you."

  
You offer a smile, and you both stand - you even gesture for Smalls to join you as you all began to reorganize books that had fallen from the shelves, sweep away that had been tracked in, shift furniture and decorations back to their original places - there was't alot of conversation exchanged, but that was okay! You can practically feel the atmosphere ease the tension while you'd all worked together to put the house back into presentable condition. All but the splintering shelf of your bookshelf, anyways - Sans mentioned he'd come back soon and get that repaired for you as soon as he could.

  
He really was trying to make it up to you, you can tell - but there's still something sad and eerie in his expression. He must still feel guilty, but you tell yourself that he just needs some time. He'll come to terms, eventually.

  
"There's some, uh, blankets, in the drawer over there - and if you want to watch TV, the remote has probably been devoured by the couch, so you'll have to fish that out. There's plenty of stuff in the fridge if you feel like it. Bathroom is down the hall if you uh- need it - for some reason," You chuckle to yourself, gesturing at stuff around the room as you'd brought it up, and slowly gathered yourself to your feet. Smalls decides to stay put to keep an eye on Sans, you assume.

  
"______, i'll be okay," Sans is grinning. "go ahead."

  
"Okay. Okay! If you need anything, don't be scared to wake me up, kay?"

  
"kay." The skeleton is finally starting to beam.

  
"...Kay," You're grinning now, shimmying your way down the hall.

  
"kay," He chortles.

  
"Goodnight, Sans."

  
"kay."

  
When you left the room, Sans' expression falls.

  
"goddamnit."

  
*****************************************************************  
His plan to not cause a hiccup in your casual life wasn't coming together like he'd hope, so he's realizing. He didn't want this stuff to happen. You weren't supposed to get hurt, your house wasn't supposed to be messy, you weren't supposed to watch him fight with your monster dog - he wasn't even supposed to be here under your roof right now, but he was, 'cause you were so _damned determined_ to help him realize that you've forgiven him.  
He understood that. He did. It was just himself that he had to forgive. He didn't think he deserved your forgiveness, as pitiful and dramatic as it sounded. He was still a practical stranger to you, damaged your home, your pet, intruded your house - yet you still said it was all okay.

  
How?

  
How were you so _damn_ forgiving?

  
It almost frustrated him. He was thankful that he was given mercy, but... it could have been anyone else. Any other threat and you would have been done for. You were a nearly defenseless lady with no grip on magic like every other human, a soul that attracted so much attention that it was like waving a steak right in front of a dog and not expecting him to pursue it. You were a damned lighthouse. He didn't exactly let on to all of the dangers your soul could cause. It could get you _killed_ , and ironically, its because you were too nice. The purity of your heart and soul and the sheer instincts you have were going to get you killed. The world was gonna eat you up one way or another.

  
People like you don't last a second in a world like his, he reminds himself again.

  
The mark he left on your forearm, that was just gonna be a painful reminder. He didn't ever bring it up, but he knew. He knew it was gonna scar. It was gonna taint your skin and be there forever, taunting him, reminding him that even you weren't safe from _him_. If he wasn't careful, who knows? Maybe _he'd_ be the one to taint that damned soul. He wasn't even sure what the mark was. A magic burn, for sure, but it was reacting a little weird.

  
He can't let himself get comfortable. That'd be dangerous. It'd drive him nuts. He needs to distance himself somehow, to keep himself at arms length away but also somehow keep you from worrying and getting tangled up in this mess of his life, of the underground life -

  
"Do you want to stay here tonight?" He heard you ask.

  
No, he can't. He can't stay here. What if he falls asleep and goes haywire again, what if he gets attached, what if being your friend puts you in a living hell-  
"i guess i can,"

The words rolled from his chest, and he hadn't even heard you reasoning for why you thought it'd be a good idea.

  
Sometimes he really wanted to rip the soul right out of his chest. He hated how it practically mocked him.

"Sans, I'm afraid that if you touch my master again, I will be forced to take more drastic measures," A sudden voice piqued up when you were out of sight.

__________________________________________________________________  
******************************************************************

  
Sleeping after that was surely a challenge, and it was unbelievably difficult to fall asleep when every time you shift or shuffle, the burn of magic is sent down your arm is a surge of discomfort. You're positive you must have burned - hah! Did you just make a pun? - at least an hour just poking and prodding and observing the damned thing, trying to determine whether or not it'll go away - and frankly, you're almost positive it's gonna scar over at some point. The glowing orange ribbons and specks that laced your skin, though; those you weren't that sure about. They're getting indefinitely brighter, but they aren't spreading past the hand print.

  
Part of what keeps you awake is your concern for Sans. You could hear him turn on the TV at some point, maybe exchange some one-sided words with Smalls; part of you wants to constantly go check up on him, but you heard it yourself. He said he'd be okay, and you trusted him in Smalls' care.

  
Sort of.

  
Eventually, though, you manage, and the snooze goes by without a care. No dreams, no disturbances, you were just passed out. Utterly.

  
"___________, it is time to wake up." An unfamiliar voice rings through your ears in the early morning - one that sounded vigil and polite. Professional. It was most certainly a mans' voice, as well, but you couldn't even begin to process any 'professional men' you know. Because, well, you don't know any. Once that clicks, you better bet you sprung up from you bed to look at whoever was disturbing you - whoever this _stranger_ was. You're just about to ban them from your room, until it settles on the furry figure.

  
Smalls.

  
Smalls is standing at your bedside on his two legs, face awfully evenhanded with such a noble look in his eyes, and his tail lightly wavering to and fro. He has the slightest smile perked on his muzzle. Sans is standing at your doorway, wide-eyed, and looking awfully perplexed. You both trade identical looks. Smalls, on the other hand, is only focused on you with an expecting glance. "Is there something the matter, master?" The dog innocently tilts his head.

  
You mouth a slow ' _whaaaaaaat_ ' to Sans, and he shrugs his shoulders bewilderingly. ' _i dont know_ ', he mouths back.

  
What in the holy hells bells happened to your dog last night?


	7. The Simpson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ur dog has superpowers so my darling alphys helps u out  
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [ask me crap on tumblr and stay updated on new chapters](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/)

"I do not understand what the matter is here, master. It would be much obliged if someone could please explain so that I may assess and perhaps even help ease your distress-"

  
"its a _long_ story, smalls." Sans chokes out a pun, awfully entertained by the noble speech that left the dogs' lips. It was so... unfitting. The dog is halfway stretched across the room, shifting his head between you and Sans anytime either of you would shift. Smalls looks utterly perplexed and fails to recognize the pun for what it was. After a moment of scrutiny, the voice returns;

"I still do not comprehend," he coos, brows furrowed and shooting you one of the most discerning expressions you'd never though a dog could muster.

"Master?"

  
You, on the other hand, haven't mustered a darn thing. You've managed to crawl to the edge of the bed on your knees, awestruck and utterly dumbfounded. Sans is constantly flexing jaw to contain the silent fits of laughter that shook his shoulders. "What is so funny?" Smalls almost sounds offended, and that's when it happens. You lose it, you're laughing hysterically into your hands, and Smalls trades an expression of betrayal. "Is this some sort of cruel prank? Master, I must ask for you to stop, this is not humorous for me any longer - Master? Are you okay, Master?" You are crying laughter, and of course, Smalls doesn't comprehend them as comical tears. He thinks you're upset.

  
"no, you've got it all wrong, buddy. this _is_ a _very humerus_ situation," Sans can't resist the opportunity, and unsurprisingly, Smalls still doesn't catch the pun. "what, do you need me to throw you a _bone_ here, smalls?"  
Still no comedic response. If anything, the dog looks like he's getting increasingly more frustrated.

  
" _...My life is a messsss,_ " You quietly drawl to yourself, muffled behind the flesh of your hands. Sans nods approvingly, but you can't even be bothered to argue with him.

  
It takes some time for you to gather your thoughts and the situation for what it now appeared to be, and frankly, this situation was so unforeseen that it even debunked last nights' rendezvous, somehow. Sans is absolutely beaming in hilarity; and he can't seem to take his eyes off of the dog that was once Smalls, and is now Alfred Pennyworth. Hah, Batman puns. You've managed to stand from the bed, Smalls still inquiring left and right about what is wrong, what can he do the help - but you can barely look at him without falling into a fit of laughter. "i think we should tell him," Sans musters right in front of the dog at some point, and Smalls retorts with something along the lines of "I am standing right here, _vermin_." that sounded just short of a growl.

  
As done as you are with your life right now, you can't help but agree. He needs some clarity here. So, naturally, you turn to the dog; who's eyeing you with such a scholarly apprehension and sparking concern. You sigh, biting your lips when you start to grin idiotically. "Okay, Smalls." His ears perk. "You're talking. That's not normal," You sum as simply as you can, and you swear you can hear this dogs' heart drop to his feet.

"You can _understand_ me?" He breathlessly acclaims, holding a paw to his chest in surprise. "Sans, she can _understand_ me?" He redirects in disbelief. The inquiry baffled you, and Sans even looks a bit taken aback.

  
"You've been talking to us this whole time- I thought you knew?" You're still giggling and chortling, but the situation is slowly evening out.

"Master, I always speak to you, but I aware that you cannot discern my speech due to your lack of magical competence," Wow, way to say it so condescendingly. You're magically cripple. You get it. "You can usually only comprehend my gestures."

  
"uh, pal," Sans chimes in once something clicks. " you're talking. like, verbally."

  
Smalls' eyes go wide. "I am _what_?" A paw absently raises around his muzzle, and you break out into laughter again. He still had the oblivious dog attitude. At least he's not totally different, you think to yourself. He was so busy trying to figure out what was going on that he hadn't realized he was verbally speaking this whole entire time. How someone manages that, you don't know, but it's the least of your worries for now. "Oh my _goodness gracious_ ," His tail is wagging with utmost vigor. "I cannot believe this. Master, this is the day I can truly live up to my eternal gratitude in your favor!" You're about to open your mouth to calm the doggo before he got too ahead of himself, but Sans seems to read your mind.

  
"pal, i think we need to figure out why it's happening before you decide to start dusting off decorations and kissing her shoes," He humorously suggests. Although you're muddled in the head, you're glad to see Sans seemingly forget about his stresses and indulge himself in comedic relief with your predicament.

"I suppose that _is_ true," Smalls thoughtfully coos, expressively stroking his chin.

You cannot even handle this right now. His gestures are far more thought out and animate than they used to be.

  
He is quiet for a moment as though he's gathering his thoughts, before quietly nodding to himself in confirmation. "You see, Master, although you have never been able to comprehend exactly what I say when I used to 'speak', it used to be soul conversation - it is how I spoke with Sans, and everyone else, since I lacked the opportune to voice myself. Us monsters share the ability to telepathically communicate, I suppose. However, you, as a human, are not grounded to the terms of souls, so you could never hear me, but I still felt like I was talking..." His voice drops to a more genuine tone. "I suppose that is why I did not notice when I began speaking out loud, because didn't feel any different from me without any context or realization."

  
The explanation sounded sane enough, you suppose. Like how you might not notice something until it's pointed out to you? Yeah, yeah - that all made sense! You grin at Smalls with an understanding nod. "I gotcha, bud. You don't need to explain yourself!" You reassure, and the relief is visible on the doggo. "I'm not worried about it, it'll just take time to... get used to. Nothings wrong with you, so don't get too ruffled up yet." The dog beams.

  
"alphys." Sans suddenly musters, digging out his phone.

"Who?" You retort.

  
"shes a friend. really smart, probably has some information or equipment or something we could use. i bet either he's like this because of last night, or the uh-" he chortles before he can finish. "the magic fart clouds." When Sans catches your skeptical expression, he quickly amends; "shes just a nervous wreck half the time. she's not gonna use him as a lab experiment or anything, i'll just see if she can scan his magical compound and soul condition and see if there's anything different. might help us actually figure out whats going on here in general, too." You figure he's referencing to the fickle news as of late. He's typing something on his phone when Smalls turns back to you,

  
"Master, I have been waiting for this day ever since you rescued me. Allow me to voice my gratitude. Thank you, Master." You only nod and give him a ruffle on the head, watching him grow a couple inches, and you'd hoped that was gonna be it.

Well, that wasn't all he had to say.

  
For the next hour, all he's doing is thanking you and explaining each and every moment in vigorous detail where he's been thankful and glad to have you around. Although it was sweet, it was very, very, exhausting. Alphys had gotten back to Sans almost immediately, and so you all got ready, and Sans naturally resorted to teleportation with the two of you. Smalls never left your side, of course; and you keep catching him when he eyes Sans with a vile discomfort and prideful protection. Apparently he's still got his feathers ruffled from last night, but you appreciated the thought. He just wanted to keep you safe even though you were sure there was nothing else to concern yourself with.

  
"What will Alphys do to me, Master?"

  
Truthfully, you had no idea - so you coudn't provide an answer. You sheepishly shrug your shoulders. (say that 10x fast. im not even gonna fix that phrase bc its entertaining)

  
"shes just gonna take a look at you, pal. shes not gonna give you your vet shots or anything," The skeleton jested, and Smalls turns his head away.

"I was not talking to _you_ , vermin." Sans isn't offended, and is instead, amused. You hoped the nickname wasn't gonna stick, as entertaining as it was.

  
Instantly, you're all three in a lab once you're ready, and you feel that familiar quake of magic ripple through your body, causing you to reach out and steady yourself on Sans' shoulder - which he visibly stiffens at, but relaxes almost immediately to help you balance yourself. Right, right - he was a little jumpy when it came to contact, for now. Mark and all.

Everything's pretty - well, metallic. Gray. It smelled like steel, and you could hear the faint whirr and buzz of a few machines as they worked and operated; the only source of sunlight is through small windows at the top of the walls and screens that lit up throughout the spacious room, and you notice an awfully computer-shaped hole messily carved into the wall, like someone had crashed in and nobody bothered to fix it. There was a giant screen at the far-end of the lab that showed statistics and magical ratings, and upon closer inspection, it seems to be monitoring the 'magic fart cloud' for observational and tracking purposes. You could see it on the screen - it wasn't obvious, but there was a slight mushroom of 'smoke' that loomed over Ebott - one you definitely can't see with your bare eyes. Occasionally, a news story would pop up, usually something related to some phenomenon likely caused by the cloud.

  
There's a variety of other machines that deck the room, but most of them look too complicated for you to even begin placing their functionalities and purposes. And- ...and Lisa Simpson is organizing some papers on her desk, your presences unnoticed by her. You take a moment to reassess, and decide 'no, this is not Lisa Simpson'. Whew.

  
"sup, alphys." Sans monotonously drawled with satire, and papers go flying when she jumps. You're grinning at the sudden reaction, although you _do_ feel a at least a little bad.

"S-s-s-s-sans! W-what did I t-t-t-tell you about t-telep-p-porting?" She stammers uncontrollably, and there's beads of sweat already visible on her skin when she whips around.

The skeleton shrugs. "whoops, sorry." (( He didn't sound very sorry. ))

  
Petrified eyes drift to Smalls, and then you; where they linger for a few moments as she twiddles her thumbs. "O-o-oh! H-hi!" A painful shade of red dusted her cheeks in flourishing embarrassment, and all you can manage is a heartwarming smile and a nod. You feel like if you make one move, Lisa Simpson is gonna have a heart attack. "I'm A-alphys," She offers.

"____________, it's nice to meet you, Alphys!" Naturally, you feel obligated to nearly sweet talk her out of her crippling anxiety, and try your best to give a friendly impression. It looks like it's working when a smile eases onto her own face.

  
"D-do you like a-anim-"

  
"alphys, pal, nows' not the best time." Sans seems to save you from some sort of sticky situation when he nudges your shoulder, and you just bewilderingly shrug at him. Alphys visibly shrinks.

  
"R-right! S-s-sorry! So, y-y-you said something about a, uhm, t-talking d-d-dog suddenly?" She clarified, and the two of you nod in unison. Smalls, on the other hand, is anxiously eyeing the equipment and clinging to your shoulder, totally zoned out of the conversation. Alphys makes the right decision to assume that this, indeed, is the 'talking dog'. She whips back around, and anxiously studies some of the papers while clearing her throat. The documents practically rattle in her shaking fingertips.

  
"C-can you please g-g-get him to stand in front of t-t-the scanner?" She requests, and you nod. Smalls, on the other hand, finally snaps into reality.

He starts to protest with; "Oh, no, I don't think that's a very good ide-" but suddenly takes off when a slipper is thrown past his peripheral vision, and although it takes you a moment to process what happened, you're quick to seize the opportunity;

  
"Sit!" You command when he's within range of the scanner, and naturally, he plonks right down, and hadn't even processed that he's not in front of the scary scary scanner machine when he's too indulged in chewing the slipper. You hold a hand out beside you, and Sans was quick to give you an accomplished high-five, grins on your faces. "I'll get you a new pair," You quietly muster, causing the skeleton to give a low chuckle.

"eh, forgettaboutit. s' just a slipper."

  
Alphys had shuffled towards the scanner and flipped a switch, and it hums to life; Smalls suddenly stricken petrified. Perhaps this whole 'master' thing wasn't so bad if it meant he literally did what you said, huh? "F-first, has h-he been anywhere n-n-new lately?"

  
"Grillbys," You provide after some thought. "Sans' house. That was it, I think?"

  
"O-okay," She nods, digging around in her pocket and pulls out a glamorous pink pen with an anime eraser lodged on the end. In her other hand, she pulls out a notepad with 'kawaii pandas' on it, and begins to scribble down some stuff.

"A-and he's been acting normal until just last night?"

  
"Yep."

  
"Did a-anything e-e-else happen?"

  
You're about to say no, until you recall the quarrel between he and Sans. You look over to him, and almost like he read your mind, he nods.

  
"Ahh, he got into a fight with Sans?" You don't feel inclined togo into detail. Alphys looks up, slightly inquisitive, but you shrug.

  
"O-okay, let's see-"

  
Anyways, the little dinosaur is studying the screen carefully, and Sans nudges you as he walks over to examine as well. "O-oh, look-" She points a stubby finger at the screen. Sans squints.  
"its just some more magic than usual?" He states, but it comes off as more of an inquiry than anything. You're looking at the screen, too, which looks just like an x-ray - for, uh, souls 'n stuff. You can see his soul right there, florid green that swirled and sparkled with life. And, of course, the two little ears Sans must have mentioned. Other than that, all you really see is swirls of saturated ribbons of what you assume to be the 'magic' they see. It's not the same color, though - the pigment is a little different, but not by a whole lot.

  
"It's not his magic?" You think out loud, and Sans, a bit impressed, nods his skull.

"musta'been the fart cloud, huh?" He muses with a broad wink. Alphys looks up from her observations, "W-wow, that's what y-you guys have been c-calling it?"

  
You nod sheepishly, of course, but the dinosaur(you think) lights up. "I-I like it! It s-sure brightens the m-mood even though it's a p-p-pretty d-dangerous thing," She pauses, clearing her throat. "A-anyways, the 'f-fart cloud' is an accumulation of shedded magic from all the monsters from the underground, so we don't really know what effects it may have. It's a bunch of different magic spread a-across Ebott, so one thing might get one kind of magic while another might get a different kind," The stuttering is suddenly manageable. "I don't know what kind of magic it is yet, b-but all I know is that it must have made Lesser Dog more sentient?"

  
"smalls," Sans corrects for you. "he's called smalls now."

  
"S-smalls!" Alphys quickly amends. "I-I can give more solid information if I'm given a l-little while to s-study, if you w-wanted?"

  
"I think this is enough torture for Smalls for now," You chortle, and wave for him to return. Naturally, he bolts away from the scanner, and to your side. "I do want to, uh.. look at this, though?" You touch your forearm(which was covered by your sweater sleeve at the moment), looking towards Sans in silent plea. The guilt that suddenly resurfaces is nearly visible, and he consider your request - before nodding.

"yeah, to be safe. i dunno what it could do." He admits. "better safe than sorry."

  
Alphys looks perplexed, so you give her the liberty of rolling up your sleeve. There it is again; the pink hand print of inflammation, laced with pulsing sparks and embers of magic. She voices a quiet 'oh' before gesturing for you to expose it to the scanners' camera. You oblige, walking out a few feet and extending your arm. Sans relaxes almost immediately. "oh thank god."

  
Well, that sounded like good news, at least. He notices you're waiting for some sort of response as Alphys continues examining.

  
"its just some of my magic. dunno why it looks orange on your arm, but its blue here. i can tell its mine. looks like its already fading, too." You don't seem convinced.

  
"your safe," He specifies, and you visibly shrink in relief. "it'll just leave a mark." Alphys nods, but didn't seem to notice anything more than what Sans' had already explained.

Of course, she inevitably questions, "What h-happened?" But when you see the skeletons' hesitant gaze, you shake your head. You'd tell her another time, perhaps. But right now, the wound was still fresh just to bring up again all willy nilly - and no, you weren't talking about the wound on your arm.

"I think that's it?" You inquire, and Sans nods.

"...A-alright," Alphys seems to agree, shuffling back over to her desk. You all drag behind.

  
"S-so, do you like a-anime?"

  
Sans voices a pathetically grudging sigh, and begins to walk off to take a look at the rest of the equipment. Whether or not he knew anything about them was beyond you, but you had the feeling he knew his way around them.

  
"Well, that depends!" You reply when you notice she's waiting for a response. "What anime are we talking about?" You beam.

  
Alphys looks utterly ecstatic.

  
"What is anime, Master?"

  
Nevermind, Alphys looks utterly astonished now. 

  
You probably spend the next few hours listening to Alphys explain in excruciating detail what seems like every anime she's seen, getting hot in the face a few times when she gets into lewd territory - and even bothered to show a few episodes of some of her favorites to Smalls on one of the giant projectors. Kissy-Kissy-Something, something about host clubs... you didn't know anymore.

  
But now Smalls won't shut up about how amazing it all is.

  
Alphys has turned your dog into a weeaboo, you soon realize, and soon regret.

  
Oh god.

  
Alphys even delved into conversation about her 'darling Undyne', boasting about how dreamy she is and how sweet and brave she is; how she'd love for you to meet her and all. Of course, you naturally agree without thinking, and Sans blanches a few shades.  
You realize you may have made a mistake before you all head back to your home after Sans had to practically pry darling Alphys off of you so she could return to work, which you found awfully sweet (albeit somewhat embarrassing). Needless to say, in celebration that Smalls and you are both alright, the three of you disembark to more orgasmic coffee consumption at Grillby's, who is awfully glad to see you all again.

You asked if you could invite Alphys, but Sans was quick to object.

"she will _literally_ try to move in with you," He reasoned. "she likes you a lot."

Well, that was comforting, at least. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	8. The Baby Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when jarvis smalls becomes high-key protective and sans tells u how babies are made
> 
>  
> 
> [ask me crap on tumblr and stay updated on new chapters](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/)

It's been a few days, give or take.

  
Smalls had been treating you like utter royalty ever since words started to swarm out of his mouth, and frankly, he hasn't shut up yet. It was like he'd watched some cliche medieval royalty trope and henceforth thought that it was the proper thing to do. Maybe he got his paws on some over-the-top anime? Now that you think about it, you vaguely recall him mentioning a 'butler', but you'd honestly tuned him out entirely by now to bother. No matter how many times you insisted, 'no, smalls, I can dress myself', 'yes, smalls, I can walk to the store on my own', 'smalls, you don't need to call me master', 'smalls, where did you get that tuxedo,' he kept doing it. Now, your dog was impeccably dressed in a suit a1lmost twenty-four-seven, and hasn't walked on all fours since he was ' _magically farted on_ ' by the ' _magic fart cloud_ '.

  
You figured you'd have to live with it. Maybe all dogs thought this way?

  
... Nah. Just a Smalls thing.

  
At some point, Alphys had even managed to somehow get your number - which, by all means, was totally fine! She was a blast to talk to, if not for the fact that she still stammers in her texts for some strange reason, making it particularly difficult to comprehend most times and uses a plethora of 'kawaii' emoticons and faces... Sans insists it wasn't him, but you're not totally convinced. Who else would have shared it? Toriel, Frisk? Smalls? Smalls didn't even own a phone!

  
Okay, okay - maybe Frisk did it. That was more believable. You'd have to ask her when you see her next.

  
Thankfully because of the weekend you aren't bestowed with the dire responsibility of children - babysitting was strictly week-days. So, today, you're completely free to do _whatever_ you want.

  
_Absolutely_ whatever.

  
... And, you had no idea what you wanted to do, frankly. At some point you'd made the futile mistake of thinking it out loud, and of course, Smalls is there to save the day. If you weren't mistaken, he was currently doing research on the computer about 'Great Things To Do In Autumn', and probably clicked on the first article that showed up. He had directly stated beforehand, 'Master, do not leave! I will prepare a list of activities you can engage while you are out.' and for some reason, you decided to follow along. Here you were, dressed appropriately for the cool autumn weather, bundled up on the couch and eyeing him from across the room.

  
He has a damn pair of glasses settled on the bridge of his muzzle as he studies the articles that pop up.

  
Glasses.

  
Fucking _glasses._

  
"Smalls?" You finally muster, shifting on the couch when you find yourself itching with restlessness.

  
"Yes, Master?"

  
"How much are you putting on the list, exactly?"

  
"...I am not sure," Smalls admits fleetingly. "Would you like to take what I already have? I can always add more later if you run out of activities,"

  
"Yes- yes, thank you, Smalls. You really didn't have to-"

  
"It is my pleasure, Master! Anything I can do to express my gratitude."

  
You've stood from your position on the couch while the bipedal dog gathers the slip of paper he'd been writing on, removing his glasses and making his way over to you. When he's about to hand you the slip, which you're already eagerly reaching out for, he pauses and tucks it closer to his chest. "Master," He starts, and you only look at him perplexingly, your fingers limping in your extended palm. "-have you heard from the _vermin_?" Of course, the nickname had indeed stuck to Sans for the dog, but he didn't mention it with such vile uncertainty this time. He was concerned, and yes, his feathers were still ruffled. He didn't quite trust him again yet. This had caused you to sigh and place your hands against the creatures shoulders, prompting him to look you in the eye.

  
"Smalls," You breath, offering an exact smile of your best reassurance. "Sans didn't mean to do what he did. It was an accident, right? They happen _all_ the time! I've forgiven him, and you should too, buddy."

  
"Exactly, Master." Smalls debunks with a tilt of his furry little head. "It was an _accident_ , and they happen _all the time_. What if it were to _accidentally_ happen again and I am not there to help you?" His voice doesn't carry harshly - you can tell he's truly concerned, and it softens your heart right up. "I do not want you to be in _any_ danger, Master."

  
"I'll be alright, Smalls." You nod. "You just need to trust me on this, okay? I've been asked to help Sans, and if this is part of helping him, I'll push through it. That's done and over with, and honestly, I don't think it'll happen again. A one-time thing?" You raise your brows and incline your head. "Can you promise me something, Smalls?"

  
For once, there was a slight hesitation in his noble chords. "...Of course." He states.

  
"I want you to promise me that you'll trust me." Your gaze is unfaltering. "- _and_ Sans. I think he needs people to trust him more than ever right now, okay? You're gonna have to help me, bud. Sans will need more support than just mine right now, and if I've got a guard dog ready to bite right behind my back constantly, then he might feel under pressure or watched. Like my trust isn't genuine." When Smalls doesn't reply, you shake your head. "Okay, look - I'm not saying you _can't_ protect me, hon. You can! If Sans does end up doing it again, only  _IF,_ then you'll be the first to know, and you can dive in to save the day like you did last time, okay? Deal?"

  
The dog is looking you dead in the eyes with his round chocolate stare, assessing your bargain - but he eventually gives a quick nod. "Alright, master. Deal."

  
He offers the slip of Autumn activities like it was a term of agreement. You firmly nod your head in approval, beaming. "Good."

  
"I must add, Master, I will be absent for a few hours in the later evening. My comrades have invited me to Grillbys," He informs. "I may not be here when you come back, but if you need me, I will know."

  
"I know you will, Smalls." A smile crosses your lips as you make your way to the door after giving him a scratch. Just as you are about to exit, though;

  
"If he lays a single harmful finger on you, I am burying all of his bones in the back yard after I use him as a Halloween decoration." He coos promptly.

  
You don't say anything besides a simple laugh and a roll of your eyes in response as you huddle yourself out into the open and shut the door behind you, glancing across the streets for any potential new faces - besides a couple kids playing on a swing set next door and some parents out on a patio, nothing seems to be going on down this street. There are already Halloween decorations bestowed over several homes, a pumpkin here and spooky lights there; fake cobwebs thrown over doors and trees and even some scarecrows hanging out around houses.

  
Ooh, so spooky, you think sardonically to yourself. You loved Halloween - but you were always pretty lazy and lacked funds when it came to decorating. You just used it as an opportunity for free, potentially hazardous candy. It's totally worth the risk.  
You take this opportunity to finally look down at the list, and -- it's full of ridiculous stuff, but Smalls' impeccable handwriting makes it more bearable.

 _1 - Go Apple Picking._  
You're pretty sure there are no ripe apple trees around here, anyways. If there is, you have a substantial chance of snapping your neck and dying.

  
_2 - Get Lost In A Corn Maze_  
Where were you going to find a corn maze, and why the hell would you want to get lost in it?

  
_3 - Rent A Cabin In The Mountains_  
...You're broke.

  
_4 - Eat A Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich_  
That might be possible, sure! Why it's on a fall activity list, you have no idea.

  
_5 - Jump In A Pile Of Leaves_  
Well, luckily, there's already a variety of raked leaves throughout town, so you half-heartedly skip into the nearest one. Done.

  
_6 - Bake An Apple or Pumpkin Pie_  
Last time you tried to do that, you nearly burned your house down. How about _no_.

  
_7 - Eat A Candy Apple_  
As you read along, you're beginning to notice how food-oriented they are becoming. Perhaps he was hungry while making the list?

  
_8 - Make Butternut Squash Soup_  
... Smalls.

  
_9 - Roast Vegetable For A Tasty Side Dish_  
You think he's trying to tell you something.

  
_10 - Carve Your Own Pumpkin_  
That actually sounds like the one doable and remotely entertaining on this list so far. You mentally note it for later.

  
_11 - Get Spooked In A Haunted House_  
Again, why would you want to do this intentionally?

  
_12 - Breath In The Cool, Crisp Air_  
You've already done that about several dozen times now. Check.

  
_13 - Learn To Knit_  
Okay, Smalls. He asked for it. He will get a _wonderful_ pink sweater and baby booties once you manage to master the art of knitting.

Your still just cruising down the sidewalk while you skim through the obnoxiously long list, so far rather unimpressed albeit tickled pink by the humorous things listed, but you're sure to occasionally glance around your surroundings so you don't fall on your face or trample a small child(which you've done a few times in your day). You appreciate that Smalls set the time aside to put this together. Sure, its full of little insignificant things if its not already practically screaming 'make me this food dish please' or something along those lines, but you supposed this gave you some sort of guide.

  
"how'ya doin' _pumpkin_?"

  
The strikingly familiar tone stops you in your tracks when you look up from the slip of paper - only to see Sans leaning against the surface of a booth nearby(labeled 'HOTDOGS' in what you're confident is ketchup). An elbow is resting on the surface, his cheek nestled in one of his palms, and his free hand is tentatively patting a pumpkin resting on the booth counter. It had taken you by surprise, of course, but you break out into a grin once the situation processes.

  
"Business slow for you?" You drawl, glancing around to the very few people who were in the proximity and take a few steps in his direction. Sans shrugs.

  
"eh, no customers 'cause i already served everyone." He supplied a broad wink, causing you to notice the creases under his eyes again, and realize the sleepy drawl in his rumbling vocals. He must have been out here trying to distract himself from sleeping, you decide after some thought - he probably didn't want to snooze again and risk going all ' _void_ ', which you were beginning to call the nightmare incident. It makes you feel bad for the poor skeleton. You don't bring it up, though, and just continue with casual convenience.

  
"whats that?" Sans is looking at the paper in your hand before you can reply, and you helplessly laugh.

  
"Smalls, uh, insisted on making me an activity list after I told him I wasn't sure what to do today." A sheepish tone drips from your voice, when you suddenly see the skeleton gesture a hand forth in silent request. Of course, you hand it over all willy nilly, not all too bothered by it.

  
He instantly cracks up. "oh my god."

  
"Yeah," You breathlessly agree, tuckering your hands away in the pockets of your pants from the nipping autumn chill. That simple breeze, however, carries a very misfortuneate leaf.  
It fell right into Sans' eyesocket.

  
You have to bite down on your lip with all of your unholy might not to break out into hysterical laughter, especially after he looks up with the most innocent surprise you've ever seen on a monsters' face. His eyes were wide, the smile was momentarily withdrawn into a slack-jawed gape, and you could see his bones visibly shudder at the awkward sensation. He's looking out into the middle of nowhere, obviously focusing on the new residency inside that hollow head of his. It had shocked him initially, but once he gathers himself, he's instantly sticking a hand into his eyeball and digging around for whatever had invaded his private bubble, silently cursing under his breath.

  
It was awfully disturbing, and strangely intriguing to watch.

  
Soon, though, he pulls the poor little leaf out of his skull, and eyes it in bemusement. He was certainly not entertained. It only takes a heartbeat for his eye to flicker blue, and for the leaf to be crunched into dust in a jiffy.

  
Overkill.

  
"I'm _blown_ away," You drawl humorously. Sans looks over to you, unimpressed.

  
"ha-ha," The skeleton mockingly retorts, "out of all the baggage that comes with being a skeleton, that the _wurst_." At first, he sounds serious, until you catch his pun at a _hotdog stand_. "-it all just goes right through me," His grin returns with a sardonic wink. That seriousness is wiped away in an instant. Of course. Puns, puns, jokes, even though what he said was entirely true. Everything _does_ just go right through him. Atleast, you think - you haven't seen him without his jacket. Who knows what he's hiding in there.

  
"Do you wanna go do something?" You managed to muster past your fit of giggles. "Since, uh, you've already served _everyone_ ," The sarcasm in your voice is sickeningly obvious.

  
"i mean... i guess i can let you pull me away from my job," Sans murrs sarcastically. "should probably go on break anyways. whaddya have in mind?"

  
"Pfft! Take your pick, you've got all the options in the world." You jest to the paper in his hands, and he glances back down for a few lingering moments.

  
"... take a relaxing walk?" He snickers, looking up towards you with an inquisitive spark. Well, you were doing that already, so-

  
"Sure!"

  
___________________________________________________________  
Walking with someone else was much, much more entertaining than in your lonesome, as you wholeheartedly expected. Sans kept his hands tuckered away in the pockets of his jacket, and you're deliberately hugging yourself to fight the unpleasant chill that lingered in the autumn air as the two of you took your sweet time walking through nearby streets of Ebott. When he'd first walked around the booth, well, the first thing you noticed was his mismatching shoes - he had one pink slipper(the other was devoured by Smalls at the lab), and one converse shoe, which he wholefully explained 'i couldn't find the other converse so i improvised'. He was a lost cause.

  
You'd taken the liberty of sparking nostalgic conversation and brought up some worthy embarrassing moments from your life, and now it was his turn - and everything so far has involved his brother.

  
Awe.

  
"--so, after me 'n him were done roughhousing, we didn't even notice what we did until we looked around and noticed the huge holes in the walls and the rain pouring in from the roof. that was when the old man decided 'no more magic in the house' and we got our own separate rooms. it was worth it." He explains with such a jovial tranquility that it warms your heart. The way he reminisced about these things was so loving. But, even you can't ignore the slight falter in his expression when he brings up his childhood or the 'old man', but you decide that there has been enough heavy stuff going on lately that perhaps it'd be best to just move on and save it for another time. "paps has always been a lot more durable than me, too. we used to always spar and i'd fall asleep ten seconds in. that's where he really started calling me 'lazybones' and i've just embraced it." Sans shrugs with a huge grin.

  
Oh boy, that was something you could believe. You were so intent on his stories that you hadn't even noticed the way you were looking at him, so admirable and heart-wrenched, but you're sure to collect yourself when he looks over.

  
"you keep looking at me like that and i might think you've got a thing for me," He smugly expresses. A scoff facetiously rolls of your lips while look away with a roll of your eyes.

  
"I think it's sweet," You admit. You hear a slight hum of curiosity at your side, so you decide to taken it upon yourself to elaborate; "I don't know, just - most siblings would prefer to rip their hair out and tattle on their parents. I think you and Papyrus have got something special," You find yourself looking back over to the attentive skeleton with a raise of your brows.

  
"i'm sure we would have ripped out eachothers hair, if we _had_ any-" He's cut off when you nudge him in the shoulder with slight force, causing him to teeter off of the walkway for an instant. "heh, okay!" There's a pause where he's trying to think of what to say. "i guess, uh, he's all i got. people like that take a special place in your heart-" You suddenly realize where this is going. "even though i don't have one,"

  
" _Oh my god_ ," You quietly mumble in defeat. Sans is laughing at your hopelessness. "Y'know, out of all the things in this world, I think I could have used a sibling. I know people complain alot about how annoying they are, but, being an only kid was pretty tiring. Nobody to share chores with or reminisce with. Psh, who knows! I might even have siblings I don't even know about," You jest with a grin. The skeleton looks pretty confused.

  
"what'ddya mean?"

  
You'd nearly forgotten how little you mention it, simply due to how content you were - so of course you ease his curiosity. "I'm adopted," It was that simple. Adoption. "My parents weren't able to have kids, so they decided to adopt one. Just one, though. I wasn't raised with any other kids in the family. I'm not sure where my birth family is at, but they could have other kids too."

  
"...humans are weird," He retorts with, causing you to chuckle.

  
"How so?"

  
"i guess its 'cause im not accustomed to the whole biological pregnancy and birth stuff," His eyes go distant. "ive seen women with stomachs the size of watermelons, and one time, i asked what was _wrong_ with her." Sans visibly shutters and you're already snickering. "i didnt know how it worked, but after that, i made sure to brush up on _all_ of the damn biology to avoid it happening again. there's a _human_ inside of there." He sounds almost scared, and its so darn amusing to you.

  
"How do monsters reproduce?" You inquire while you're on the subject. Sans pulls his hands out of his pockets almost instantly like he'd expected the question, and holds them out in front of him. He's already clearing his throat.

  
"well," There's a brief pause. "when a mommy momster and a daddy dadster love each other very much," He clamps his hands together. "they combine a piece of their soul. from those pieces, a new soul is formed, and it eventually develops into a monster kiddo. the healthier of the two parents will nurture the soul inside of their own, kind of like how humans do, but they don't give birth or anything. the soul just kinda separates itself and becomes its own being when it's ready and it takes on the shape of a hybrid of the parents. there's nothing biologically involved, just all soul and magic."

  
"Well, sounds a lot more pleasant than humans." You admit. "Yeah, we're definitely weirder." Sans snickers with a nod, shoving his hands back down into his pockets. You hadn't even realized until now that you're only a block or two away from home - Sans must had been indirectly leading you back at some point. Which, that was fine! You should probably start making dinner so Smalls doesn't keep filling your Autumn Activity List with food suggestions. Then again, he probably gorged himself at Grillby's, but the doggo has one of the most erratic appetites you've ever seen a creature have. But as you grew closer to home, you notice something, and Sans seems to notice right around the same time.

  
"shit-" He curses, reaching out to grab your wrist and the next thing you knew you're knees were weak right in front of your doorstep with a cyan flash. The door was cracked open,, the knob smashed off and on the ground - and you're certain that Smalls would have locked it when he left. He wasn't too careless now that he was even more intelligent than he used to be.

  
"is smalls home?" Sans inquires, and you shake your head. "He's supposed to be at Grillby's." With a huff, the skeleton gestures for you to stay there, and he worms his way past the door on light footing.

  
As you process the situation and rack your head for conclusions, you promptly decide;  
Your house has been broken into, and potentially robbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	9. The Edgy Enthusiast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a scary lady makes sans nervous and also causes ur friend dennis to pee himself and toriel teaches u how to make remotely edible pie
> 
> [ask me crap on tumblr and stay updated on new chapters](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/)

"so... they _didn't_ steal anything?"

  
"... Nope, nothing!" You state with surprise, brows raised in mild confusion. Once Sans had originally scoped the place out for anyone and confirmed they'd already left, you'd double-checked, triple checked - nothing was missing. However, some things you found were _misplaced_. A photo frame had been nudged over, like it was picked up and shifted, which you could only tell because of the smudge it left on the dust that had gathered on the shelf, and you noticed one of your document drawers was slightly open and some papers were misaligned and a wee bit crumpled. "I think they were just _looking_ for something," The thought slipped out loud, and any clarity in the situation Sans previously had was now gone. You were looking through the documents that were slightly out of place in hopes of figuring out what was going on. With gloves, of course - you had planned on checking in with the police to see if they could snag some fingerprints by chance.

  
"like what, though?" He questions while walking through the house for about the fifth time in a row now, peeking out windows. He's just pacing at this point. "they must have known we were coming in, too. the way those papers were all messily shoved back in makes it look like they were in a rush." Sans had a point there. Even with how grouchy he was with the situation, well, that grin was still on his face - and you begin to wonder if it was habit of his.

  
"I have no idea. I'm just-" A breath hisses between your teeth(i just sneezed). "-were they watching us or something? I mean, Smalls couldn't have been gone for that long. It's pretty creepy," You say, face contorting into a cringe. Sans didn't have anything to say about that, but you could hear disgruntled mumbling from him.

  
"what're those papers, anyways?" Sans huffs, pushing his hands deeper into his pockets when he finally bothers to look towards you.

  
"It's literally just some stuff from my parents?" You sift through the collection of various birthday cards, letters, and family photos. "I'm not sure what they would want with it. It's not very helpful, unless they were looking for spare birthday cash I didn't see-" The humor left dry on your lips, and you chortle softly to yourself. Sans, on the other hand, has made his way across the room and is glancing over the stuff with you. He eventually shakes his head.

  
"imma text undyne. shes good at this sort'a stuff. you gonna get the police in on this?"

  
The name mention causes you to look up for a second. "Undyne? Are you sure? I think Alphys wanted to be the one to introduce us-"

  
"alphys'll understand, it'll probably calm her down knowing she won't be the one to have to worry about messing up introductions somehow," he comforts with a fleeting wink, and it was enough to convince you it was alright. He knows Alphys better after all, right?

After you give him a nod, he's already pulling out his phone and typing away with bony fingers. You, on the other hand, dial up the police; and it only takes a moment for them to dispatch a car and arrive at your home about fifteen minutes later.

  
Luckily, they'd already brought the appropriate equipment, so all you had to do was answer a few questions about your whereabouts and hand over the papers so they could be inspected for fingerprints.

  
"undyne said she'd be here any minute now," The skeleton walks up to your side as you'd watched the officers waltz back to their car and run prints.

  
"What should I be expecting?" You inquire. Sans tilts his head. "what, 'bout the prints? should expect they'll find a ma-"

  
"No, silly!" You chortle. "I mean Undyne?"

  
"oh, uh. she's a little, over the t-"

  
The obnoxious revving of a nearby motorcycle cuts him off and causes Sans to blanch a few shades, remarkably enough. The moment you look up, you already see the cause -- and it's zooming down the street at what you're sure to be illegal speeds, but the officers looks too petrified to even remotely consider confrontation as they decide to continue running the scans. It passes, at first, before making a screeching u-turn and skidding to a stop by your mailbox. Sans' is promptly sweating, and all you're left to do is watch for the big reveal. After all, you've never seen Undyne yet - assuming this is who it is.

  
They shove the kickstand into place with their heel, and throw their leg over the motorcycle. They look... awfully edgy. A black leather jacket is zipped halfway up their torso, a slightly lighter colored tank-top with a purple tint visible underneath which exposed an aquatic blue skin tone on their chest. They wear red boots, black leather gloves that you're confident are structured for webbed fingers - and the strong red tint of their helmets' face shield ruins your chances of getting a premature glance at them. Their hands start to work to unlatch the helmet. and sure enough it pops right off, and down falls a long red ponytail growing right out of a fish ladies' head.

  
Yeah, that's _definitely_ a fish.

  
The first thing you notice are the aquatic fins that serve in place of her ears, but you wonder what their function for being fins instead of regular ears would be - do they... _flap_? Move? You're suddenly imagining her wading through the water using those little fins on her head, and dear god, you're almost already in laughter. She has a smirk spread from ear to ear with menacingly sharp teeth slightly overlapping her lips, reminding you of a docile piranha(you don't think docile piranhas even exist), with sharp yellow eyes that soon flicker open and prey upon Sans. He's still sweating, you note. Her chest heaves with a large breath after a lingering moment,  
"FUHUHUHUHU!!!" She booms in hysterical laughter, tucking the helmet under her arm and slapping her knee with a loud 'wah-pop'. "Oh, man, Sans! What's got you so shaken up, punk? Aren'cha glad to see me!?" Unarguably, she is the loudest person you have ever met. She's walking her way over, probably around the same height as Papyrus if you avoid getting specific with a few spare inches to toss up.

  
"heyy." Sans musters hoarsely, but he seems to brace for himself as he visibly shrinks, and-

  
And Undyne practically leaps on him, picking him up like a sack of potatoes and giving him one of the most violent noogies you've ever seen someone receive. Poor, poor thing. He doesn't even seem too inclined to teleport away, knowing it'd be pointless. Once you notice her muscles ripple underneath scaly flesh - well, you feel _that_ much worse.

  
She is absolutely _ripped_.

  
After it seems she's barely noticed you, you decide to save the poor skeleton before he's noogied to death by the scary fish lady, who's now hysterically laughing. Again. The officers are anxiously sitting in their patrol car, practically reeking with fear and confusion.

  
"Uhh- are you Undyne?" You hold up a limp hand in a gesture to speak. She looks up in what you swore to be a scrutinizing glare, before it immediately breaks out into another beaming smirk while she literally drops Sans like he was some insignificant creature and straightens up, hands on her hips confidently, and you watch as the skeleton slowly clambers to his feet with one of the most distraught and nervous grins on his face. You can practically see his eyes spinning.

  
"thank you, savior."

  
"FUHUHU!! Hell YEAH, I am!! What, have ya' heard about me or something, punk?" The slight rasp in her voice carried, but still, she sounded awfully friendly for someone with such loud and over-the-top demeanor. You find yourself hesitating, before giving a nod.

  
"Of course! I met Alphys a few days ag-"

  
"You met my baby?!" She interrupts, still grinning idiotically, but a red tint now dusted her face. "Man oh man, is she doing good?! It's been _so_ hard to squeeze in time for each other while balancing out our jobs-"

  
"Yeah, yeah! Of course! She told me all about you, she's doing great!" You are quick to reassure, honestly afraid she'd combust with all that pent up energy. She visibly relaxes, and suddenly slams a hand down to grip the top of Sans' skull when she somehow notices as he tries to stalk away without even looking over at him.

"ow."

  
"Anyways, the punk here told me you had a break-in? Did'ja find anything useful?"

  
"I have the officers scanning for fingerprints on some papers I noticed had been messed with, but other than that, nothing. They didn't even take anything - you can go look for yourself, if you want! I mean, there's nothing stopping you," The humor drawls in your voice when you gesture to the missing doorknob you'll have to replace soon. "A fresh set of eyes might help us notice anything we missed."

  
Undyne ponders for a moment before dragging Sans behind her, "Gotcha! I'm borrowing this punk if ya' don't mind. FUHUHU!!" She cackles her whole way into your home, and you still hear her booming. Sans mouths a silent 'help' when she wasn't looking, but you feel he's a lost cause at this point. RIP Snas.

  
"It was n-nice to.. meet you?" You call out with a rare stutter, even though you hadn't even the opportunity to introduce yourself. Maybe next time.

  
You're only alone and waiting for a few additional moments before one of the officers wanders back over, who probably waited out for Undyne to leave, chalk white and practically drowning in his own sweat. He's nervously exchanging periodic glances to your door which you assume is because of the scary fish lady they'd just seen.

  
"U-uh, there are other prints on it, but they don't match anybody in our database." He informs. No matches? How was that even possible? You were sure they kept strict records of fingerprints for both monsters and humans all across the world now. The officer seems to read you as he quickly amends, "Yeah, we aren't sure. It must be someone new or something. If there's nothing else we can do, we'll be returning to the station." He doesn't add anything, but your mind immediately substitutes in ' _to get away from the scary fish lady_ ' at the end of his sentence. You confirm to yourself that there's nothing else of much importance that they could help with.

  
"Thank you guys so much," You take the papers from his hands. "I'll let you guys know if there's any other trouble." The officer nods, tipping his had and scurrying off to the police car before Undyne could emerge from the house again.

  
Well.

  
Shit.

  
Just as your about to recede back into your home to check up on Undyne(but mostly Sans because he might be in danger at this point), who is stomping all around the house and shouting incoherent slurs to Sans, a different voice interrupts you this time.  
"_____________!" They call, and you look over to see _him_ sprinting down the sidewalk in a messy suit that's nearly slipping off his body. It looked like a scene from some ridiculous business trope. Suitcase in hand, hair a mess - tie backwards(which wasn't even tied properly, mind you).

  
Dennis.

  
"I got your text!"

  
Obviously, Dennis. You can see that.

  
"Dude, are you okay? I got over here as fast as I could, and frankly, I think I'm dying because of it."

  
Yes, Dennis, you are fine. Crying with laughter? Maybe. But fine nonetheless. "Yes, Dennis, I'm fine," You have to bite your lip to keep from picking on him about his god awful state. In a matter of seconds, he's slowed, and eventually stops in front of you and nearly tumbles over in the process. He's hunched over with his hands on his knees, his breathing so interspersed and hoarse that you're sure hes just ran a marathon. You probably should have kept him updated on the situation, now that you think about it.

  
"Whew, _hoh_ , oh okay- they didn't uh, they didn't take anything, right? All good in the hood? Nobody gotta' face the fury of Denny?" There's a pause as he stands upright and stares up at the sky. "Hoo yeah, 'm _definitely_ dying."

  
"All good in the hood. No fury from Denny." A grin is on your face as you nod your head. Obviously, he _wasn't_ dying, just extremely unfit, so you're not panicked. "You look _ridiculous_ , by the way," The snicker is impossible contain, and he looks at you with an expression of betrayal.

  
"No, _you_ look ridiculous," He musters childishly past his recovering stamina.

  
Dennis was certainly one of your best friends - you had gone to college with one another, roomies, and even worked in the same office for awhile after you'd both graduated. He was a pretty average guy with some of the worst luck you'd _ever_ seen. He's known to panic easily, tends to over-exaggerate a lot, but he's honestly a sweetheart and happens to be one of the smartest people you know - but naturally, he's married to the possessive Tara who you're sure will come out of the shadows with her devious plan. Especially after your encounter awhile back.

  
Oh, and he's got the maturity of a five-year-old, even though he's twenty-four.

  
Dennis has always seemed a little geeky, honestly. He's got an average built, maybe five-foot-eight, stares off into space with round hazel eyes, a slightly tanned complexion, and shorter auburn brown hair that's a bit unkempt with slight curls and lazily swept to the side half the time. With a pretty innocent face, he's not someone to be intimidated by, but he usually looks a tiny bit older than he is due to the scruffy stubble he insists on keeping.

  
Dennis was a character simple enough to explain in two short paragraphs.

  
Your classic white boy.

  
"Dude, what the _heck_ is up with all that noise?" Dennis suddenly piques, staring perplexingly at your door. That's right - Undyne was still stomping and shrieking around. You're almost positive she's causing more damage than the trespasser ever _could_ have.

  
"Uh, I've got some... friends, looking around to see if they notice anything else. Want in? You might be able to help, too!"

  
"Well, I sure as hell didn't almost die getting here just to be told to turn around, so." He sardonically drawls, half-heartedly adjusting his suit to look mildly presentable.

  
______________________________________________________  
Undyne had later insisted that she could handle your lock for you, and that she hadn't noticed anything else - and Dennis nearly peed himself when he first saw her. Ya' know, scary shark/fish/piranha lady who seems to be killing a poor skeleton. He had his appropriate reasons for yelping when he'd seen her practically throwing Sans across the hall when she got a little too indulged in a high-five. On the bright side, Dennis had the grand idea of having Smalls sniff around whenever he'd make it home to see if he can catch a scent, and potentially pinpoint your 'curious burglar', as you had all began to call them. Utilizing his canine roots. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to be happening tonight - the doggo was still at Grillbys, apparently. You wonder if he'd gotten himself drunk.

  
Or maybe he's just getting a lot of attention because of his new 'upgrade'.

  
You should get your dog a phone.

  
Wow, you never thought you'd ever have to consider that before.

  
Anyhow, you decided you could use a change of scenery for a day or two for now. After the 'void Sans' incident, Butler Smalls, a break-in -- you just feel the need to unwind yourself and occupy a space you'd feel more comfortable in for the time being. One that, uh, won't be broken into or interrupted with angsty sleep-walking Sans or the butler dog. What better place than Toriels for that? You'd get to see the kiddo, eat some good pie hopefully not made of snails this time, watch Dora the Explorer, or- or something. It's exactly what you needed!

  
Did they even show Dora the Explorer on television anymore?

  
Once you'd gotten there with the generous help of Sans', who said he'd keep an eye on your home in case they come back for more 'curious indulgence', you got the opportunity to meet one of the kids' friends, who didn't really have a proper name. Just, uh, Monster Kid, who you called 'MK' for the sake of catch-y-ness.

  
"Yo!" They'd ran up, face-planting right up to you. Of course, you weren't expecting it - so you'd impulsively helped them to their feet even though they seemed perfectly capable even with their lack of appendages. "Wow, your soul is really shiny! I hope I can be like your soul one day, it's so AWESOME!! Just like Undyne!" She must be really famous, you think absently to yourself. You have to mentally cringe at your soul being compared to such a loud, erratic fish, though. You weren't quite sure how to interpret it.

  
"Man, have you even met Undyne?!" You're about to reply, but they just butt in again, "-she is the BEST!! Please don't tell my parents I'm here, by the way. If you don't do that, you might be as great as her!!!"

  
Man, what a bargain.

  
The kid is still rambling, but you're hardly listening now - Frisk is silently laughing at you from behind the yellow Scraggy child. They, uh, had a lot to say, but Toriel gave you the mercy of pulling you away for a 'very important adult conversation', which was actually just help for a pie recipe in her quaint little kitchen.

  
"Sweet child," Her gentle voice carried a she arranged some ingredients around on the counter. "I am dearly sorry for the recent troubles you've had to face. I do hope things will be better for you. Do not forget, I am here if you ever need a roof or support. Frisk does enjoy your company, and any friend of Frisks' is a friend of mine," Goat mom assured. Gosh, she was so sweet! "Allow me to bake you a pie as a thanks for all of your hard work and perseverance, child. Just this once."

  
"Toriel," You start sympathetically. "I'd honestly be fine eating some of the pie you've probably got in the fridge. You don't need to go through all that trouble!" You insist, but inevitably, your arguments are useless.

  
"This pie is meant to be special, ________. You are so much more deserving of a fresh pie, rather than one that's gone nearly stale in the fridge!"

  
(YOU HEARD IT HERE KIDS, YOU DESERVE FRESH PIE, NOT STALE PIE. YOU ARE ALL WORTHY TO GOAT MOM. YOU ALL MEAN SOMETHING. YOU MEAN MORE THAN STALE PIE.)

  
All you can do is sigh in defeat, but alas, "Can I at least help make it? I've never made a pie before,"

  
That simple phrase seems to make Toriels' day as she lights up, and thus begins softly guiding you through the steps. You can tell she's done this hundreds of times just by the confidence and fluidity of her instructions. Of course, you end up burning yourself a couple times, or probably measured ingredients a little incorrectly - but in the end you had definitely managed to make a pie.

  
You doubt it's as good as any of Toriels', though.

  
Nonetheless, the four of you gather around the table and have a nice slice of pumpkin pie to fit the Halloween spirit - and naturally, you can't resist taking a picture and sending it to Sans.

  
\- You: Pie there, it's nice to see you again! [1 File Attachment] -

  
MK, having no arms, had insisted on eating the pie face-on, literally, even though you and Frisk had both politely offered to help them eat. You could tell this monster kiddo had plenty of independence and determination. The sight of pumpkin pie and whip cream splattered all over their mouth was awfully entertaining, as well! You all had a nice fit of laughter, and after you were all promptly full, Toriel had taken the liberty of washing the dishes as you ushered the kids to bed and read them a story that they both insisted on. You couldn't help but find it at least remotely odd, considering they're both in their early teens, but you'd oblige anyhow.

  
Naturally, you read The Very Hungry Caterpillar, all up until they're bored of it enough to pass out in Frisks' bedroom. Always does the trick.  
Your phone buzzes in your butt pocket.

  
\- comedian: oh my cod [1 File Attachment] -

  
It's a picture of Undyne -it takes you a moment to register the pun. Hah. Undynes' a fish. Cods' are fish. Ha. Ha ha ha.

  
\- You: Pie can't believe you just did that. -

  
\- comedian: you can't just use a pie pun twice in a row just for the halibut -

  
\- You: GOODNIGHT, SANS. -

  
\- comedian: hue, night fishlegs -

  
\- You: Fish don't even have legs -

  
\- comedian: just roll with it -

  
You're half tempted to suggest that he get some shut-eye, too, but - well, you can understand why he doesn't want to. You weren't going to fight with him when he is entirely justified to the decision. With a sigh, you're just about to put your phone away, until you see Goat Mom lingering at the door.

  
"Child," She nods curtly, and gestures for you to leave the children, probably to make sure they're undisturbed. "Would you like to talk to me about today? Perhaps we can help from here,"

  
"Uh, sure!" You quietly muster, walking out of the room on light toes. Toriel gently shuts the door behind you so your voices don't carry.

  
"You said that the trespasser had been looking through some content of your family, did you not?" You nod in confirmation. "-and they looked at a photo on you shelf? ...What was it of?"

  
"My parents and I."

  
"Oh! Oh, dear -"

  
You're suddenly struck with a strong realization when you begin to rack your brain for reasons as to why Toriel seemed astonished at the mere response. The fact you hadn't even bothered to consider what the photo was of - well, now, you were quite worried. Oh no.  
She doesn't even have to say anything - you both understand.

  
The trespasser must have been looking for your family.

Or, you think so - it's the only thing that makes sense. Papers from your family, which probably contain addresses - a photo for identification, you heart is plummeting yet also beating out of your rib cage. Naturally, you're the first to text Sans with your theory, who relays it to Undyne, and you also send a message to your mother. After all, if they were in danger for some reason, they best be prepared.

  
Or maybe it was a false alarm.

  
Or, uh, maybe not.

  
You weren't going to take any chances with it. Someone was interested in your familys' whereabouts, and you weren't gonna risk losing or harming them, too.

  
You're up for the rest of that night with Toriel.+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN  
> man oh man whats gonna happen guys  
> r ur adoptive parents gonna die or something  
> idk yet either
> 
> next chapter will probably be from smalls' perspective so i can show u guys everyones' initial reaction to his upgrade  
> ty rebecca for reminding me!!
> 
> i promise i'll start involving everyone else a lot more soon so i can establish a more solid built connection between all the characters!  
> let me know who you're interested in seeing more scenes of!  
> maybe list them from most to least interested, if you want?? i plan on giving them all more attention eventually, of course! this'll help me decide an order, hopefully  
> here's a list for u to start with, but you can suggest other undertale characters too!
> 
> -frisk  
> -papyrus  
> -grillby  
> -alphys  
> -toriel  
> -smalls  
> -tara  
> -dennis  
> -jerry [JUST FOR SHITS HAHA]


	10. The Dogi Liquor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short bonus chapter (1,500~ words) 
> 
> this is the tale of how smalls gets hammered from monster liquor

Ever since his newfound development had surfaced, Smalls had an other-worldly boost of new confidence. He certainly wasn't conceited, no - not at all! After years of lacking a proper voice and unable to communicate with monsters and humans both who did not have a proper grasp on the concept of soul-speak, he was no longer hindered by that astoundingly inconvenient communication barrier. Smalls was aware that he'd been rather mouthy lately, too, but can he really be blamed? It feels absolutely great! He's even surprised himself with the fact that has voice has given out yet.

  
Naturally, he felt that it was ________ he had to thank, even though it was _technically_ the magic fumes from the underground that had done it - but he cannot thank an inanimate cloud of soulless magic. He had been working double time to attend to her wants and needs in efforts of expressing his pompous gratitude. He was not satisfied yet. He felt that there was still much, _much_ more to cover. Perhaps he wouldn't ever be pleased with his efforts, and remain Jarvis Smalls forever?

  
He was alright with that. He loves ________. He believes that she deserves the spoil.

  
Smalls promptly adjusts his suit, which is awfully butler-esque, straightening the sleeves and the bow tie that secured around his neck. It was solely black and white and maintained pristine condition, and he was even sure to wear a lovely pair of white gloves with it. Thank you, Grillby. He was always impeccably adorned in suits himself, so it was only logical to consult him for fashion tips. Luckily, he was generous enough to lend a suit he'd grown out of long ago, and now Smalls refuses to take it off, unless it starts to get stinky.

Even when it _does_ get stinky, he still tries to make it stretch.

  
It was in the later evening, probably around six o'clock, with plenty of humans and monsters roaming the streets. Smalls can't help but to notice the attempts of vandalism, and even _more_ attempts at _covering up_ the vandalism, and his teeth begin to grit. How vile, he thought. Humans could certainly be awful, ________ an exception. It was painful to walk throughout Ebott only to be reminded how unwelcome monsters are on the surface despite that they've done nothing to deserve this treatment.

  
But... that wasn't what tonight was about.

  
With a self-assuring breath, the dog finds himself in front of the brick building, and pushes the door open. It was only expected that he'd receive a few looks for his new fashion choice, but Grillby crackled in delight with an approving nod when he'd noticed Smalls' entrance. " _It suits you well, Smalls. Very charming._ " The fire elemental hummed in relaxing mirth. As strange is it was to explain, he sounded like smoke, if smoke had a voice - warm and fluent, crackled every now and then. It was almost in a whisper that carried throughout the whole bar. It rolls with a suave rumble that you could almost physically feel quake in your soul. After all, since Grillby could not talk verbally, he must also use the soul-speak method, so he almost constantly sounds like he's right next to you even if he's across the bar. That was the beauty of it. He had an astounding worth of knowledge with soul-speak, considering he's like, a millennia-and-a-half-years-old. He's had several lifetimes to figure things out.

  
When everyone else had heard the bartender speak, the rest of the regulars finally turned to attention while a few broke out into wolf-whistles or yips of appraisal. It made him feel amazing.

  
Smalls breaths.

  
"Thank you, everyone."

  
The whole bar fell absolutely silent. Even Grillby has stopped delicately tending to that spoiled glass hes always busy with.

  
Smalls, on the other hand, is grinning proudly from the reaction as the room assesses his new ability. His ear twitches at the various whispers, 'did he just talk?', 'whoa, dude, how did that happen?', 'I wonder if his human did it', 'maybe the fumes from the underground did it?'.

  
Smalls is filled with determination.

  
He takes this time to wander to his table, where his canine companions are already anxiously awaiting his arrival and inevitable explanation. Doggo is immediately squinting back and forth and casually maneuvering as close to Smalls as he can. He pulls out a dog bone from somewhere and lights it with a lighter, but before he can even get a 'drag' in, Grillby has flung sparks in his direction causing him to yelp and drop the bone onto the table. " _How many times do have to tell you about our no-smoking policy?_ " The elemental scolds, and a few people turn around to stare at him. He is literally _always_ smoking, technically.

  
" _You're all the worst,_ " He sighs in defeat, and returns to his glass. " _I can't help it._ "

  
Naturally, the saloon is in laughter, and return accordingly to their meals or drinks. Smalls is exchanging glances with all of his comrades, who are anxiously awaiting. Doggo, Dogamy, Dogaressa, and Greater Dog. The gangs all here.

  
"You gonna tell me and the babe whats up?" Dogaressa murrs, possessively smooching his 'hot dog'. Smalls opens his mouth to speak, but,

  
"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You owe us an explanation, even though I can't see you." Doggo rapidly slurrs frantically looking around the table. He's about to open his mouth again, but,

  
Greater dog roars - er, barks. "GD thinks this isn't fair..." The big guy drawls. "GD wants a voice, too. GD always scares people away with his big bark..." Awe, poor dude. He's speaking very slowly, as he always does, the deep tune of his soul rolling with evident disappointment. "It's good you can speak with your human now, though. GD knows how bad you've been wishing for it for awhile now. GD happy for you. Did the toothfairy grant your wish?" His voice solemnly trails off. "...Is that even the one that does wishes?"

  
Smalls can't help but snicker and shake his head. "No, GD. The toothfairy gives you money in exchange for your bones,"

  
Okay, that may not have been totally accurate, but give him a break! Monsters are still grasping human folklore. GD seems pleased with the answer anyways. His table examined him with awe yet again when his voice rolled free, smug expression evident on Smalls' face. He was enjoying this too much. "It was the undergrounds' magic fumes," He promptly declares after he decides he's done holding them over the coals, and he can hear someone yell from across the saloon; "I KNEW IT!!", but they quickly settle back down when they're eyed by several regulars because of the sheer volume of their voice. GD mournfully sighs.

  
"GD wants the magic fumes to help _him_ talk," He drawls.

  
"Who all knows, huh?" Doggo rapidly retorts, his eyes still shifting. Smalls lifts a paw and begins counting on his 'toes'.

  
"_______, Sans, Alphys... all of you, now. That is all. It only happened a few days ago, after all." He nods to himself, but it doesn't take long until the whole table rattles. Dogamy has slammed his axe, which nearly breaks it for the fourth time this week, his eyes wild with passion.

  
"This calls for celebRATION! RIGHT, HOT DOG?!" He yowls, Dogaressa nodding at his side with a similar look in her eyes. "GRILLBY, GET US OUR DOGI LIQUOR."

  
This is the story of how Smalls got ab-so-lutely hammered.

  
After Grillby had somehow extinguished the compassionate dogs, he did as they asked - brought out the special Dogi Liquor. He was... hesitant, in doing so. Monster liquor was strong, and these dogs didn't know what limitation was. He'd just have to keep a very tentative eye on them. Dogi liquor was a special personal stash that Dogaressa and Dogamy had brought for special occasions, but Grillby was pretty sure that it was some weird bacon-flavored liquor. He wasn't too inclined to find out, either, but the Dogi monsters went absolutely nuts for the stuff.

  
"I'm kicking you all out the instant you think about breaking something," Grillby informs politely as he retreats back into the FIRE EXIT. The dogs understood. This seemed to be a regular thing to be said.

  
"G-guys," Smalls is finally getting nervous. "-is this a good idea? Master may need me tonight, I am not sure how she will react if she finds that I have neglected her priorities to get intoxicated, even if it _is_ the weekend..." He inquires, and Dogamy slams on the table again.

  
"YES, it is _absolutely_ necessary!"

  
There was no hope for Smalls, now. He was a lost cause.

  
___________________________________________

*********************************************  
"N-noh, don't tou.. HIC!- touch me, it tickles-s-s." Smalls chortles, swaying in his chair and wavering around an empty shot glass. _Nobody was_ touching him, mind you. He was the last person left at Grillbys. Everyone had left when his comrades got a bit too frisky, and shortly after, Grillby had to confiscate their liquor and kick them out.

  
Smalls was just talking to himself, now, and Grillby considered reaching out to ______ to retrieve her dog. He's only had maybe.. five alcoholic shots that he knew of? The bartender promptly decides that this dog cannot hold his liquor. He's sure that Smalls still believes he's taking Dogi shots, too, but Grillby had taken the liberty of swapping the liquor with a bottle of water quite awhile ago.

Its working so far. Smalls hadn't noticed yet.

  
Smalls could keep him company as he cleans up shop, even if he was absolutely drunk out of his mind. "...Whoa, Grillby! HIC! You're lookin'... mighty _hoooot_ ," Smalls is stumbling across the bar towards one of the lamps on the wall as he attempts the obvious pun, which, in his defense, was lit with fire. Maybe he should call up _______, after all. Her dog is hitting up a lamp that he believes to be the bartender..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> never again, smalls. never again
> 
> i hope to have another chapter out later today, or sometime tomorrow if it turns out to be pretty long  
> happy halloween, ebott  
> >:DD


	11. The Spider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ur freaked out but frisk makes u do halloween instead
> 
> [ask me crap on tumblr and stay updated on new chapters](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/)  
> [i drew a headshot of smalls](http://thehungriest.tumblr.com/post/151245705001/all-hail-butler-smalls-just-a-super-quick-drawing)

It was now morning.

  
The mark was burning, aching - just like it had when it was first inflicted. You'd been absently toying with your sleeve in subconscious attempts of soothing the pain, but you hadn't really noticed. Your mind was elsewhere much, much more frightening.

  
You're absolutely _petrified_. You were petrified when you'd first put two and two together, and you were _still_ petrified when your parents called back to inform you they were fine at the moment and would be taking precautions. What if precautions weren't good enough? What if they are still in danger? Who was interested in them, and why? They hadn't done anything, you were sure - they were merely an ordinary couple aging up in the years. There was... there was nothing there to be curious about. Had you done something? Was it _you_ that caused this somehow? You feel your breath begin to escalate. You're panicking. Your chest it wrenching and tightening and your hands are endlessly wringing themselves together in anxiety, and- and you didn't know what you could do. What _was_ there to do?

  
You feel a warm, padded hand press against your shoulder that almost instantly soothed your nerves. You can almost swear she's using magic. It's incredibly gentle, incredibly soothing - you can't help but let your mind wander. What things has Toriel gone through to be able to calmly handle these circumstances? It was like she knew the perfect things to say. Like events leading up to this shaped her to be the perfect person to sooth worries and pain. You're inclined to ask, but her gentle voice carries before you can muster a thing;

  
"It will be alright, sweet child. Your parents know how to take care of themselves, and they have you to thank for that." She coos, a genuine smile perking at her lips, eyes large and soft and, _godammnit,_ so convincing - you can't do anything but smile back in appreciation, and nod your head. "If all goes ill, you have plenty of people who will help keep them safe." Toriel adds with a squeeze. Your phone vibrates, and naturally, you whip it out in hope of good news before you can muster a response.

  
\- sans: grillby brought your dog home. he got into some heavy liquor last night -

  
\- sans: hes ok, though. he's got a _monster_ hangover but he's gonna give the place a whiff. keep you updated -

  
\- sans: hey. you ok? i know, stupid question but im kinda worried since you havent replied to any of my texts yet. feelin kinda _bonely_ here and im pretty sure your dog wants to bury me outside -

  
\- sans: dont make me come over there, cus i will -

  
Toriel seems to have seen the texts as well as you read them on the screen, because she chuckles softly at your side. "You're a good friend to him, _______. Sans has never been the type of monster to go out of his way for people, he much prefers to sleep!" She howls. "He's been through things that has hardened him up, is all." That causes you to look up, momentarily distracted from your intended response.

  
"...Like what?" You muster quietly. When she looks back down, her expression has softened again.

  
"I think that's something you should ask _him_ ," Toriel replies after a thought. "Truthfully, I don't know. Sans has always been quite reserved, but... I feel you might be someone who can help him." For a moment, she's looking at your chest - and rather than your boobs, you can only assume she's taking a look at that 'perfect' soul you've got cooped up in there. You can swear you see something glitter in the reflection of her eyes for a second.

  
Those words alone were enough to comfort you, although there were still complications to be dealt with. You wouldn't be fully content until the 'curious burglar' was captured, or when your parents could somehow prove to you they were entirely safe. Toriel seems to sense this, probably from your 'open soul' as Sans had described it way back when, but someone interrupts before she can tend to you further. You immediately straighten up when Frisk and MK are bolting down the hall in a giggling fit, and they both skid right up to Toriel with interspersed breaths. Frisks' hair is a mess, her clothes rumpled and everything - and MK looks like all the energy is drained right outta them. Frisk must have dragged them out of bed, literally. The kiddo is rapidly signing after Toriel had acknowledged her. You can only decipher a few signs, and just pieced it together from there. You should really try to brush up on sign language...

  
_***Halloween, mother! Did you forget?!*** _

  
Toriel gasps softly. "Oh, dear me! I have! I suppose we will have to go shopping today, won't we?" Gosh. She's so damn convincing - you can't even tell that there's a dire situation at hand with her sheer expression and tone. "You'll have to explain this tradition to me again, however. Humans sure are interesting."

  
Frisk is nodding her head, hair bobbing with each little movement. MK, on the other hand, looks rather anxious, and you can soon tell why. "T-Toriel, ma'am, could I, ummm.. go with you guys?" They mumble, but you tune out of the rest of the conversation when it dawns on you.

  
Halloween.

  
You'd entirely forgotten, too, and you were up all night - gosh, you were definitely gonna end up passing out! This year, perhaps, you could sit it out - wait for word from your parents. Or the police. Or _anyone_. You felt it may be a bit too difficult to have fun when the well-being of your family is hanging off into the distance. At least, that's what you were thinking; Frisk comes tugging at your sleeve as she begins signing off again.

  
_***Come with us, too? Please?!*** _

  
Well, shoot.

  
"Frisk, sweetie," You breath, glancing off towards Toriel for a moment. "I think I'll be too busy today to do Halloween this year." You ruffle her head when she falls into disappointment. Goat mom returns her hand to your shoulder.

  
"Come on, child! Maybe you could use it to relax? Surely you could use the break after your hard work with cheering up Sans," She winks discreetly, and Frisk begins nodding away again. You can tell she's trying to convince you to get your mind off of the curious burglar.

  
_***Mother is right! It'll be fun!***_ She signs, throwing an arm around MK in a half embrace, pressing cheek to cheek.

  
You instantly see where this is going, and begin to reassess the situation. Maybe you _should_ go? Rather than, uh, sulking around all miserable, waiting for a response from your parents. It might relieve your nerves, pass the time.

  
...Sure? Why not? You couldn't afford looking too against the idea to spare Frisks' worry.

  
You sigh in defeat and return to your phone, and begin typing up a message with a shake of your head and a small smile on your lips. They all instantly take that as a change of heart and begin to make jovial cheers and other various noises, but Toriel is quick to usher them to get ready for presumed 'shopping'. Surely you should involve the others for tonights holidays! You could help them get ready while Toriel handles those two kiddos.

  
\- You: Gather up everyone and meet at your house? -

  
The response is immediate. He must had been waiting this whole time.

  
\- sans: what for? -

  
\- You: Halloween! -

 

There's a slight hesitation - Sans must have thought you were gonna say something a bit more... anxious, or serious. But instead, you wanted to celebrate a holiday?

  
\- sans: oh, uh, sure. you might need to walk us through it though. monsters are still kinda walking blind -

  
Oh, god. Did monsters really not have a grasp on the basic human holidays yet? That was pretty surprising, even if they were still relatively new to the surface. With all the Halloweeen commercials, decorations, all that Halloween hype since the very first of October - you were sure they would have caught up by now.  
Or, uh, apparently not.

  
\- You: That's alright! I just think I could use it to clear my head. -

  
\- sans: yeah, i gotcha. be there in 10. -

  
You didn't really have anything to distract yourself with for ten minutes while Toriel was away getting the kiddos ready, so you remain sitting down on this awfully comfortable couch here in the living room. Just thinking. You, your head - all alone. Not the best combination, which you soon begin to realize when your thoughts plague you with pessimism and doubts. You're slowly stiffening; probably clammy, too, but you're too indulged in your thoughts to notice.

  
Like he promised, he pops up exactly ten minutes later. On the dot. He scares you at first when he appears behind the couch and touches your shoulder and you jump, causing him to pull away, but it barely lasts a second.

  
"so, never answered my question. you ok?" Sans quietly asks. The sigh you gave in response didn't bode well with him as he waddles around and plops down a little ways next to you. He was probably still anxious about bare contact, you decide. He's quiet for a second, hesitating, "wanna talk 'bout it?"

  
You give it a second before you promptly open your mouth to speak, which turns into a fit of quiet, miserable laughter instead. "I'm about to celebrate Halloween while my family could be in danger?" You breathe in disbelief, but the statement rolls off your tongue in an inquiry. Sans is watching you carefully with attentive pinpricks from the corner of his sockets, until he sighs.

  
"ya' shouldnt feel too bad about it," He attempts. "they probably would want you to spend time with your friends today instead of worrying 'bout them, anyways. they'll be fine, they've handled themselves all up 'til now. they wont be careless." His browbones are scrunched together. "or, uh- yeah. im bad at tryn'ta, uh, cheer people up. thats more of a you thing," That causes you to chuckle, and he looks over. "oh, ok. laugh it out, will ya'?" Despite his phrasing, he isn't remotely offended - your laugh actually gave him a little confidence and achievement, evident from the larger-than-average grin that shaped his skull.

  
You breathe deeply again, collecting yourself. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Frisk wanted me to join them for Halloween, so - I don't have much of a choice, do I?" You chortle, and Sans nods.

  
"yeah, she can be a pretty convincing kiddo. made the whole underground love 'er even though-" He stops himself, and trails off. "-i think thats actually a conversation for another time," Sans amends with a broad wink, and you shrug absently. Now you were curious, but - there would be other times for that conversation. "you ready to split? everyones' waiting for ya', pal."

  
It only took a pep talk from a goat monster and skeleton for you to make peace with the situation - for now.

  
You nod after a lingering thought. "mk. if you need to talk again later, lemme know. wouldnt want ya' breaking down on us. they all really want to see you today." It only took him an instant to place bony phalanges against your arm with such delicacy, like he thought you'd shatter under his fingertips after last time - and blip, you were there. Right here at his house, where everyone else besides Toriel and the kids were waiting. Paps, Undyne, Alphys, Smalls - hell, even Dennis was anxiously sitting at the table of monsters, thumbs a-twiddling and eyes a-shifting. The mere sight of them all together like this... ugh. Even if you didn't know them all too well with the exception of Dennis, this was a blessing.

  
You were even more surprised that Sans had managed to gather them all up in as short as ten minutes. You wanted to ask how, but eh.

  
Once you'd recovered from the pleasurable surge of magic that quaked throughout your system after the blip, you breath; and examine the eager eyes that were awaiting explanation. Well, until you're suddenly lifted several feet in the air, anyways.

  
"OH, HUMAN! IT IS SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" Wails Skeleton 2.0 who had jumped from his seat in a matter of seconds, encasing you in one of the most strenuous hugs you'd ever participated in. Air leaked from your lungs in a pathetic squeak. "your suffocating 'er, bro. she's not as durable as you." Sans reasons successfully with the big guy and you're dropped back down on your feet with a slight wobble.

  
"OF COURSE SHE ISN'T, NOBODY IS AS GREAT AS I! I WILL BE THE BEST AT THIS HALLOWEEN THING," There's a thoughtful pause. "...WHAT IS HALLOWEEN?"

  
Oh boy.

  
_______________________________________________________  
"...SO ITS NOT ABOUT SCARING HUMANS?!" Papyrus wails in disbelief. "I CANT BELIEVE THIS!! THAT HALLOWEEN MOVIE WAS WRONG! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST THEM SINCE HE WAS A SKELETON, TOO." Was he talking about Nightmare Before Christmas? "THIS IS AMAZING! WE GET TO EAT CANDY AND PLAY GAMES, SANS!! I HOPE THEY HAVE PUZZLES!"

  
"yeah, bro. we sure do. 'm sure there will be _lots_ of puzzles."

  
"FUHUHUHU! Man, I sure woulda' loved to scare the hell out of some people, though! But we get to dress up?! This is gonna be rad!"

  
"Y-y-yeah! I h-have lots of cosplay o-o-outfits I-I could wear...!"

  
"Master, your kind are a perplexing species," Smalls murrs with his face pressed against the table, clearly suffering from the hangover. "What odd traditions."

  
"I can't believe none of you knew what Halloween even was..." Dennis grumbles, bemused and astonished. You could wholeheartedly relate.

  
"Well, you could still scare people? A big thing on Halloween is spooky themes and trying to impress with your outfits. Like, uh, witches and zombies and monsters-" Oops. It was too late. You couldn't catch yourself, and Dennis is already chuckling at your slip. They're all already monsters, you tell yourself after a moment. The room had fallen silent, but Sans is grinning larger than you'd seen, swimming in the amusement - but everyone cracks up after a tense second.

  
"NYEH-HEH-HEH! I SUPPOSE MONSTERS ARE GOING TO BE THE BEST AT HALLOWEEN THEN!!! IT'S IN OUR BLOOD ALREADY!" Papyrus eases the tension, and your glad you hadn't offended anyone.

  
"Man, you really are a clutz, aren'cha, punk?!" Undyne slams her fist down on the table as she continues to howl with laughter.

  
"Anyways!" You pique in to change the subject, grinning idiotically and your cheeks reddened with embarrassment. "If you all plan on dressing up, even though you all have pretty good costumes as it is," A wink crosses your face as you make the best of your slip. Sans snickers. "-you've all gotta go shopping. There's plenty of stores that seel Halloween outfits. You'll all need a costume, and if you plan on trick-or-treating too, you'll need a bucket or a bag to put your candy in!" With a clap of your hands, you nearly stir everyone to life as they all give approving musters.

  
"Master, I will retrieve candy and hand it out to any children who pass our home. I will make up for my nights' absence and watch over the house while you all enjoy yourselves." Smalls prompts, hoisting himself to his feet.

  
"Oh, bud! You really should join us, I'm sure the house will be fine for one night," You reason, but the monster only shakes his head.

  
"I am afraid I don't feel too well, so I do best believe that staying home would be more appropriate regardless. I must be in top condition if I am meant to keep you safe,"

  
You realize there is probably no use in convincing your little guard dog, so you only gesture him over and give him a gentle hug. "Alright, Smalls. You be good, okay? I hope you feel better. If you want, you can look for us tonight if you change your mind!" The reassurance in your voice carried successfully as your comrade nods, and begins to tumble out the door.

  
"here, pal. lemme take ya' home before ya' get yourself killed," Sans offers when he senses your dribble of worry, winks at you, then waltzes over to place a hand on the dog to blip away before he could complain about 'getting help from the vermin who harmed his master'. You wondered if he'd ever get over it.

  
...Hopefully.

  
When everyone seemed pretty aimless and absently wandered around their dining room table, your expression was quizzical. They all need an extra shove, you decide. "Well? Aren't you guys gonna go shopping for Halloween tonight?!" You beam, and the next thing you know, everyone is storming out the doors. Alphys and Undyne split off in one direction, Papyrus splits in his(he pulls out his phone to text Sans, however), and Dennis stays with you.

  
"Well." He starts. "I heard that some monster lady had some pretty rad outfits, should we go check them out? We've totally gonna roast these monsters in the fashion department," Dennis declares. So this was some sort of competition now?

  
"...Definitely." You muster with a grin, and Dennis starts dragging you out the door to wherever he'd seen these 'rad outfits'.

  
This is exactly the kind of medicine you needed to distract yourself from the worries of the Curious Burglar.

  
_________________________________________________________  
Several streets later and a variety of conversations revolving around monsters and how Dennis believed it was 'so fuckin cool how you've already made all these cool monster friends', you're met face to face with a bakery of all things - and when you look over to Dennis for explanation, he's only grinning like a child. "Don't be fooled! I ran into her the other day when I came for some muffins for Tara, and she told me about how she recently got into tailoring and fashion. She had a real bargain for any customers who'd come by for Halloween!" He's nearly squealing in excitement, for a grown man.

  
"Who is she?" You muster, not thinking much of the cobwebs and spider decorations that decked the windows. They were just decorations, after all.

  
Right?

RIGHT?

  
When Dennis shoots you a mischievous look and storms inside, you anxiously follow - the handle is coated in what is definitely real cobwebs(which you feverishly brush off), and when you step in, your heart sinks.  
No, definitely not decorations.

  
There's spiders in nearly every corner, spiderwebs hanging from the ceiling with a variety of menu items and advertisements lodged into the sticky webs, and you can swear you hear the tiny creatures squeaking and chirping to eachother. It was all real. Legit. Totally not fake and plastic. Oh, hell no. You're frozen, and Dennis is gawking in amusement. "Hey, they're not bad! They're just.. spider entrepreneurs," He coyly states with a smug expression. "Eight-legged friends who make killer donuts and rad outfits, right? They're just trying to make a living. C'mon! Don't be a punk about it," He persuades, clearly trying to mock the scary fish lady. "You wouldn't want to offend them, right? I'unno what they'd do if you d-"

  
"Okay!" You wail, carefully stepping forward. Stray pieces of cobweb stuck to your shoe, and suddenly, all of the depleted energy you'd felt exhausting upon your body from staying up all night is suddenly gone. It was frightened right out of you. Literally.

  
"Ssssooo, you've finally come back to ssssee us?" An oddly tranquil yet sinister voice hissed barely above a whisper, and you see movement behind what's supposed to be the checkout counter. You hadn't seen her there just a second ago, so you can't help but wonder where she was - but she's here now. Six dark purple eyes, pastel purple skin, eight legs, a cute little maroon outfit with furls and dark pigtails - that was a goddamn anthropomorphic spider right there. She's still pretty small, no doubt, and, uh -

  
Cute. She was cute.

  
You never thought you'd say that about a spider.

  
Creepy, but cute.

  
There. Much better.

  
"Sure am!" Dennis beams, trotting up to the counter with you hot on his heels. The spider layd looks you over with a small smile, each eye blinking individually and - gosh, it sent chills down your spine.

  
"Who isssss your friend?" She politely coos, eyes blinking curiously at you. Whoa. It's not much better the second time.

  
"This is ______! Brought her over since you mentioned you were getting into tailoring? Did you have any Halloween costumes we could take a look at?"

  
The spider lady immediately brightens up. "Oh, of coursssssse! Hello, ______. I am missssss Muffet. Care for ssssome baked goodsss?" Naturally, you shake your head on impulse, but she shrugs lightly. "Thatsss jussst fine, come back anytime if you change your mind!" With that, she turns on heel, and gestures for the both of you to follow. Albeit hesitant, you oblige - after Dennis' warning you surely didn't want to accidentally offend any of these spiders, much less step on one by mistake...

  
She has a whole damn room in the back full of spiders doing knitting and tailoring for her. There are aisles of clothing, some casual and others made fit for Halloween - but they're created very nicely! Although, alot of the costumes look pretty over-the-top and spontaneous from over here.

  
You decide to just forget about all of the social norms you've known throughout your life. This is the new norm. This is the modern society.

  
Clothes are being made by your arch nemesis. These are intelligent spiders.

  
That idea frightens you.

  
Needless to say, after what seemed like hours of pointless searching for Dennis, you decided to get lazy(partially because you just wanted out of here), and settled on an ironic t-shirt that read 'COSTUME' on the front, and a super-hero cape just for extra 'pizzazz'. Dennis, on the other hand... hoo boy.

  
Well, you somehow convinced him to dress up as a princess, and knowing him, he was all for it.

  
He's a very manly Cinderella, and you don't regret a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  the next chapter will be about the actual trick or treating and fun part of Halloween :D


End file.
